Like the person who can’t seem to make the progress they want, no matter how hard they try. Or the person who is very knowledgeable, successful and accomplished, but continues to doubt themselves and their abilities.
Then there are people who are so deeply affected by other people’s energy, emotions and opinions, that it affects their confidence, self-esteem and happiness.
It can all be very confusing, as well as frustrating and overwhelming at times.
Even though people think they know themselves quite well, when they begin to go inward and look more closely, it soon becomes very clear that there are emotions and energies affecting them that they had absolutely no idea about.
It’s often a shock for them to discover just how much these emotions and energies have been controlling them.
In this blog post I’ll share examples of how this invisible emotional energy and pain can affect you and hold you back, and what you can do about it.
Defining Emotional Energy and Pain
When a particular emotion is triggered, you feel it in your body. When you have an unhappy thought, you feel it, and when you have a painful or traumatic experience you feel it energetically in your body, and that energy is stored inside you.
It is in our nature to move away from whatever doesn’t feel good. When it comes to uncomfortable emotions and painful experiences, this can mean that we ignore them, try to push them away or alternatively, we can allow them to overtake us, taking us into a downward spiral of pain and discomfort.
This energy and pain can build up inside you and, even when you think you’ve moved past the situation that created it, it can continue to affect you without you knowing it.
Emotional energy and pain is invisible, but it affects you on a daily basis. When it’s not acknowledged and released, it will create more painful situations and more discomfort.
Why is Understanding Emotional Energy and Pain Important?
When you have awareness and understanding of this energy, it enables you to see just how it impacts you and your ability to accomplish what you want.
Without this awareness, this energy controls you without your knowledge, and you never associate the experiences you’re having and the situations that arise with the emotional energy and pain that is stored within you.
Without this awareness, when things are not working out as you want them to, you’ll find yourself focusing on the wrong things. As you focus on the wrong things, you’ll experience more frustration and anxiety and add more of this energy to what is already there.
Without this understanding we become disconnected from our true selves, constantly looking outside ourselves for answers that we cannot find.
For example, think of the person who is unhappy with their job, so they leave and find a new job, only to discover they are just as unhappy in the new position. This may happen multiple times as they are constantly searching for that ideal position that will bring them happiness and fulfillment, which never comes.
It doesn’t happen because the problem is not the job. Nothing will change until they begin to look at the energy within themselves.
I once worked with someone who was having this exact experience. After a couple of calls he said “I’m just realizing that it’s not the job, it’s me.” He recognized that he would continue to have the same experiences until he looked at himself and how he was creating these situations.
Another client was struggling to grow her business and was frustrated with her husband whom, she felt, was being unsupportive. During one of our early conversations she said “It’s not him is it? It’s me.”
When I work with people it’s always exciting for me when they arrive at this understanding because it means they are ready to change their situation. As long as they continue to believe that the problem is outside of them, nothing can change.
The key lies in being aware of and being willing to acknowledge your emotions. Not only the emotions you are feeling at any given moment, but also the emotional energy and pain that is stored from your past.
Instead of avoiding ‘negative’ emotions, you can learn how to process them. When you do this, they cannot continue to affect you. This article in Psychology Today has some helpful information on the processing of emotions.
Releasing Emotional Energy
I’ll share some of my favorite ways of releasing emotional energy and pain, but before I do that, I want to show you the huge impact and benefit of identifying and releasing this energy by sharing comments from some of the people I’ve worked with, so you can see that it doesn’t have to be terrifying at all:
"Over the past weeks I have seen parts of myself I didn't realize existed and they shook me to my core. My focus has shifted away from trying to figure out my next career move to paying attention to myself. I am relaxing into whatever is to be and not trying to control it.”
"I had a wonderful moment of clarity about fear. I have allowed fear way too much power over me in my life. It doesn't have to be that way. It's so obvious all of a sudden. In trying to sort it out, I realized that there were 5 different things contributing to the fear of this moment.”
“I’m only two lessons in and have experienced the most profound shift. I used to be petrified to take my mind off of financial striving, for fear of not having enough. With your program, I’ve focused on creating ease and peace in my life, and at the same time created a better income than I’ve experienced in years.”
“When I look back on the past 5 weeks I can’t believe how much I have changed. I feel like I have more control, more peace in my life. I’m more accepting of others, I have a better relationship with my brother, not so jealous, more loving relationship. Same with my mom. I feel like I’m releasing a lot of things that I have had inside for a long time.”
“I've learned I am good enough and relearned to trust my judgement, walk away from things that don't feel right instead of doing them because I feel obligated. I've learned to focus on what I need to focus on instead of obsessing over things I felt jealous about. I've regained my self confidence and feel happier."
For these people, and many others, the insights they gained are invaluable and, as you can tell, immediately helped them to feel better and improve their situations.
5 Strategies for Releasing Emotional Energy and Pain
Process the Emotion - this is my favorite. It has proven to be the most effective for me and I love to help my clients work through emotions by following these steps:
- Sit quietly, close your eyes and take a deep breath
- Identify what you’re feeling - name the emotion (angry, sad, etc.)
- Notice where you feel it the most in your body (chest, abdomen, etc.)
- Put your attention on this area and breathe into it
- Notice what you feel without judgment and keep breathing into it
- Imagine you are shining a spotlight onto this area, this emotion
- Keep breathing and notice if anything about it changes while you’re doing this
- Ask yourself: “what do I need to learn from what I’m feeling?” “What is this feeling telling me about myself?”
- Pay attention to what comes to you - if nothing comes, don’t worry, just continue to breathe into it and keep the spotlight on it. Acknowledge what you’re feeling
- Take as long as you need, and when you feel you’re ready, open your eyes and come back
Sometimes insights come right away, sometimes it may be a day or two later, be open to learning what this is about
The more you practice this the easier it will become. Eventually, you’ll be able to do it without needing to close your eyes, and you’ll be able to do it in any situation. It can take just a minute or two to do.
Journaling - this is another very effective way of discovering what energy you’re dealing with and then releasing it. You can write about the situation you’re experiencing, write about what you’re feeling and see if you can uncover any insights. Again, you can ask yourself what it is you need to learn from what’s going on - if you allow yourself to write without thinking too much you will often gain valuable insights.
You can then write something like “I am now willing to release this….” or ask how you can release it and again see what comes to you as you write.
You can also use specific journaling prompts to help you with whatever emotion you are feeling.
Meditation - a guided or focused meditation can help you release difficult emotions. You can meditate on the specific challenge. You can create an affirmation or mantra to focus on while you’re meditating. For example, if you are feeling angry about something, you could focus on an affirmation that says “I am willing to learn what my anger is telling me.”
Instead of trying to push the feeling away or replace it with a positive one, embrace it and see what you can learn from it. If you find it difficult to do by yourself, you can also use a guided meditation that walks you through the process.
Talk it through - sometimes there’s no substitute for talking through what you’re feeling. It’s best if you do this with someone who is trained and has the ability to help you - such as a coach, a therapist or healing practitioner. Although if you have a supportive and understanding friend or colleague who knows how to listen and ask the right questions and who won’t try to ‘fix’ the situation, that can also be helpful.
Sometimes just the act of talking about it brings clarity and helps to release what you’re feeling.
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - If you’re not familiar with this technique, it involves tapping on certain acupressure points while saying certain statements related to the situation. There are many YouTube videos that show you how to do this - I think this one is effective, by Brad Yates
There are also many therapists who specialize in this technique.
We can become very good at hiding or not dealing with our emotions, but this does not cause them to go away. The energy and pain from your beliefs and your experiences is stored within you and can affect everything you do.
When you properly acknowledge and process your emotions, you can effectively release them and use them to give you greater confidence and strength, so you know you have the ability to handle any situation.
If you’re still not sure whether emotional energy and pain might be holding you back, take this short quiz to bring some clarity.
You can also enroll in a free mini-course that will share with you the Top 10 Reasons Energy Holds You back.