That’s not always possible though – particularly when you’re dealing with someone at work or a family member. So what do you do when you can’t walk away?
- Consider confronting them – sometimes it’s possible that the person isn’t aware of their behavior and would be mortified to learn that their behavior is rude and disrespectful. If you think this is the case, then you can take the person aside, and speak to them in a positive way, saying something like “I’m sure you don’t mean to do this, but when you do/say …. it has …. effect, and I thought you’d want to know.” Be aware though, that this won’t work with everyone. Sometimes confronting someone, even in a positive and respectful way, will cause them to become defensive and upset and their behavior may even become worse.
- Don’t take it personally – I know this can be difficult, but it’s really helpful to know that nothing others do is because of you. It can certainly feel personal, but if someone is being rude or disrespectful, it’s because of something that’s going on within them. That doesn’t make their behavior okay, but it does mean that you can choose to not take it on and make it your problem or be affected by it.
- Be an observer – this really helps with not taking it personally. When you can observe the behavior but not become emotionally triggered by it, you will start to see what’s really going on and recognize the internal pain they must be in to behave this way. Say to yourself “I know their behavior has nothing to do with me and I refuse to take it on or be triggered or affected by it in any way.”
- Don’t take it on – sometimes you might think it’s your responsibility to ‘fix’ or help someone who is behaving this way. It isn’t. Mostly any attempts to help will be met with resistance and more rudeness. The best response is no response. Refuse to take it on. People who habitually behave this way are used to triggering certain responses in people. They then feed off that energy - it feeds their behavior and they do it more and more. What usually happens then, is that they begin to feel better about themselves, while you feel worse, because you’ve taken the bait and the unhealthy energy they had now becomes yours.
- Address what comes up – if you find it impossible not to get upset with their behavior, then you have to take a look at what it’s triggering in you. Have you become angry or do you feel intimidated or insecure? Those are your issues that have been triggered by this person’s behavior. They didn’t cause it, the emotions were already inside you, they have simply been triggered, and now you have a wonderful opportunity to release them. You’ll want to examine those emotions, see where they came from, ask what you need to learn from them, and then you’ll be able to let them go.
Also keep in mind that if you habitually attract people who are rude and disrespectful that it’s probably a sign that you are rude and disrespectful to yourself. Once you stop treating yourself this way, you’ll stop attracting these kinds of people.
I hope you find these tips helpful, I would love to hear your personal experiences as you use them. If you happen also to be highly sensitive/empathic/intuitive and or introverted, you’ll find that people with unhealthy energy – those who carry a lot of emotional pain, bullies or even narcissists – may be drawn to you because your energy is attractive to them, so it’s particularly important that you learn how to stay empowered and maintain your energy when you encounter them.
Try the following affirmation:
“I release the need to be triggered by other people’s behavior, and I refuse to let my energy be taken or manipulated in any way.”
P.S. If you're finding it difficult to apply these tips and to not be affected by someone's behavior, consider a Powerful Breakthrough Session - so I can help you take your power back.