Do you feel it’s a sign of weakness to ask for help? Do you feel you should be able to manage everything yourself? Do you think people will judge you if you ask for help? Do you feel other people can’t do things as well as you? Do you think you’ll be a burden?
It can be difficult to ask for help for any of these reasons. You may also find you don’t ask for help because you don’t recognize that you need it. I used to think I had to do everything myself and really struggled with asking for help until I learned some important things that I’ll share with you:
People want to help – when someone told me that I was denying other people the opportunity to help me and that I was actually being quite selfish by not allowing them to, I was shocked. But I began to see the truth of it. I have since realized that people really do love to help and it feels good to me to give them that opportunity.
Nobody can guess what you need – sometimes we expect people to know that we could use some help and to know what it is that we need. We feel we shouldn’t have to ask – particularly when it comes to a partner or spouse, they should just know. Then we feel resentful if nobody offers and we have to do it ourselves. Don’t expect others to know. Particularly if you’re the one who is always helping others, and you never ask for help. People will just assume that you’re okay unless you let them know that you need help and tell them what you need.
There’s an arrogance to it – I hated hearing this, who wants to be considered arrogant? But if you think about it, it’s true. When you don’t allow others to help and you never ask for help, it’s like you’re saying “I’m stronger than everyone else, and I’m more capable than everyone else, I can handle it all.”
Asking is a sign of strength – rather than being a sign of weakness, asking for what you need is a sign of strength. If you are willing to be vulnerable and honest and say “I can’t manage this by myself,” that’s coming from a place of strength.
This affirmation can also help:
“I am willing to allow myself to receive all the help and support I need.”
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