Have you ever felt that there must be something holding you back, but you just can’t get to the bottom of what it is?

Like the person who can’t seem to make the progress they want, no matter how hard they try. Or the person who is very knowledgeable, successful and accomplished, but continues to doubt themselves and their abilities.

Then there are people who are so deeply affected by other people’s energy, emotions and opinions, that it affects their confidence, self-esteem and happiness.

It can all be very confusing, as well as frustrating and overwhelming at times.

Even though people think they know themselves quite well, when they begin to go inward and look more closely, it soon becomes very clear that there are emotions and energies affecting them that they had absolutely no idea about.

It’s often a shock for them to discover just how much these emotions and energies have been controlling them.

In this blog post I’ll share examples of how this invisible emotional energy and pain can affect you and hold you back, and what you can do about it.

Everything is energy. Our thoughts are energy, our emotions are energy, and any painful or traumatic experience we have has energy.

When a particular emotion is triggered, you feel it in your body. When you have an unhappy thought, you feel it, and when you have a painful or traumatic experience you feel it energetically in your body, and that energy is stored inside you.

It is in our nature to move away from whatever doesn’t feel good. When it comes to uncomfortable emotions and painful experiences, this can mean that we ignore them, try to push them away or alternatively, we can allow them to overtake us, taking us into a downward spiral of pain and discomfort.

This energy and pain can build up inside you and, even when you think you’ve moved past the situation that created it, it can continue to affect you without you knowing it.

Emotional energy and pain is invisible, but it affects you on a daily basis. When it’s not acknowledged and released, it will create more painful situations and more discomfort.

When you have awareness and understanding of this energy, it enables you to see just how it impacts you and your ability to accomplish what you want.

Without this awareness, this energy controls you without your knowledge, and you never associate the experiences you’re having and the situations that arise with the emotional energy and pain that is stored within you.

Without this awareness, when things are not working out as you want them to, you’ll find yourself focusing on the wrong things. As you focus on the wrong things, you’ll experience more frustration and anxiety and add more of this energy to what is already there.

Without this understanding we become disconnected from our true selves, constantly looking outside ourselves for answers that we cannot find.

For example, think of the person who is unhappy with their job, so they leave and find a new job, only to discover they are just as unhappy in the new position. This may happen multiple times as they are constantly searching for that ideal position that will bring them happiness and fulfillment, which never comes.

It doesn’t happen because the problem is not the job. Nothing will change until they begin to look at the energy within themselves.

I once worked with someone who was having this exact experience. After a couple of calls he said “I’m just realizing that it’s not the job, it’s me.” He recognized that he would continue to have the same experiences until he looked at himself and how he was creating these situations.

Another client was struggling to grow her business and was frustrated with her husband whom, she felt, was being unsupportive. During one of our early conversations she said “It’s not him is it? It’s me.”

When I work with people it’s always exciting for me when they arrive at this understanding because it means they are ready to change their situation. As long as they continue to believe that the problem is outside of them, nothing can change.

The key lies in being aware of and being willing to acknowledge your emotions. Not only the emotions you are feeling at any given moment, but also the emotional energy and pain that is stored from your past.

Instead of avoiding ‘negative’ emotions, you can learn how to process them. When you do this, they cannot continue to affect you. This article in Psychology Today has some helpful information on the processing of emotions.

The thought of doing this type of inner work is terrifying for some people. They imagine they will have to revisit painful experiences from childhood, or that once they take the lid off these emotions and this pain it will be too much to bear.

But this does not have to be the case. It’s not about going back. I see it more as looking at what’s going on now and how it’s affecting you - then moving forward from there.

I’ll share some of my favorite ways of releasing emotional energy and pain, but before I do that, I want to show you the huge impact and benefit of identifying and releasing this energy by sharing comments from some of the people I’ve worked with, so you can see that it doesn’t have to be terrifying at all:

"Over the past weeks I have seen parts of myself I didn't realize existed and they shook me to my core. My focus has shifted away from trying to figure out my next career move to paying attention to myself. I am relaxing into whatever is to be and not trying to control it.”

"I had a wonderful moment of clarity about fear. I have allowed fear way too much power over me in my life.  It doesn't have to be that way. It's so obvious all of a sudden.  In trying to sort it out, I realized that there were 5 different things contributing to the fear of this moment.”

“I’m only two lessons in and have experienced the most profound shift. I used to be petrified to take my mind off of financial striving, for fear of not having enough. With your program, I’ve focused on creating ease and peace in my life, and at the same time created a better income than I’ve experienced in years.”

“When I look back on the past 5 weeks I can’t believe how much I have changed. I feel like I have more control, more peace in my life. I’m more accepting of others, I have a better relationship with my brother, not so jealous, more loving relationship. Same with my mom. I feel like I’m releasing a lot of things that I have had inside for a long time.”

“I've learned I am good enough and relearned to trust my judgement, walk away from things that don't feel right instead of doing them because I feel obligated.  I've learned to focus on what I need to focus on instead of obsessing over things I felt jealous about.  I've regained my self confidence and feel happier."

For these people, and many others, the insights they gained are invaluable and, as you can tell, immediately helped them to feel better and improve their situations.

I think the most important thing to remember is that, although there are people who can help you do this, nobody can do it for you.

There are many techniques and strategies that are helpful. I’ll share some of my favorites here:

Process the Emotion - this is my favorite. It has proven to be the most effective for me and I love to help my clients work through emotions by following these steps:

• Sit quietly, close your eyes and take a deep breath
• Identify what you’re feeling - name the emotion (angry, sad, etc.)
• Notice where you feel it the most in your body (chest, abdomen, etc.)
• Put your attention on this area and breathe into it
• Notice what you feel without judgment and keep breathing into it
• Imagine you are shining a spotlight onto this area, this emotion
• Keep breathing and notice if anything about it changes while you’re doing this
• Ask yourself: “what do I need to learn from what I’m feeling?” “What is this feeling telling me about myself?”
• Pay attention to what comes to you - if nothing comes, don’t worry, just continue to breathe into it and keep the spotlight on it. Acknowledge what you’re feeling
• Take as long as you need, and when you feel you’re ready, open your eyes and come back

Sometimes insights come right away, sometimes it may be a day or two later, be open to learning what this is about

The more you practice this the easier it will become. Eventually, you’ll be able to do it without needing to close your eyes, and you’ll be able to do it in any situation. It can take just a minute or two to do.


Journaling - this is another very effective way of discovering what energy you’re dealing with and then releasing it. You can write about the situation you’re experiencing, write about what you’re feeling and see if you can uncover any insights. Again, you can ask yourself what it is you need to learn from what’s going on - if you allow yourself to write without thinking too much you will often gain valuable insights.

You can then write something like “I am now willing to release this….” or ask how you can release it and again see what comes to you as you write.

You can also use specific journaling prompts to help you with whatever emotion you are feeling.

Meditation - a guided or focused meditation can help you release difficult emotions. You can meditate on the specific challenge. You can create an affirmation or mantra to focus on while you’re meditating. For example, if you are feeling angry about something, you could focus on an affirmation that says “I am willing to learn what my anger is telling me.”

Instead of trying to push the feeling away or replace it with a positive one, embrace it and see what you can learn from it. If you find it difficult to do by yourself, you can also use a guided meditation that walks you through the process.

Talk it through - sometimes there’s no substitute for talking through what you’re feeling. It’s best if you do this with someone who is trained and has the ability to help you - such as a coach, a therapist or healing practitioner. Although if you have a supportive and understanding friend or colleague who knows how to listen and ask the right questions and who won’t try to ‘fix’ the situation, that can also be helpful.

Sometimes just the act of talking about it brings clarity and helps to release what you’re feeling.

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - If you’re not familiar with this technique, it involves tapping on certain acupressure points while saying certain statements related to the situation. There are many YouTube videos that show you how to do this - I think this one is effective, by Brad Yates

There are also many therapists who specialize in this technique.

When you feel unhappy with your life, when things aren’t working out, or when you continue to repeat the same patterns over and over, recognize that what you think is the problem (the job, the relationship, the situation) is probably not the real problem. You may have emotional energy and pain that is holding you back.

We can become very good at hiding or not dealing with our emotions, but this does not cause them to go away. The energy and pain from your beliefs and your experiences is stored within you and can affect everything you do.

When you properly acknowledge and process your emotions, you can effectively release them and use them to give you greater confidence and strength, so you know you have the ability to handle any situation.
 
If you’re still not sure whether emotional energy and pain might be holding you back, take this short quiz to bring some clarity.

You can also enroll in a free mini-course that will share with you the Top 10 Reasons Energy Holds You back.

In this short video we explore the invisible emotional energy and pain that holds us back.

It discusses:

• Where this emotional energy and pain can come from
• What happens when you continue to ignore it
• How you can begin to discover what this means for you.

This is such an important topic because it holds the key to many of the challenges that you have been facing.

It will help to make sense of some of the things you are experiencing that haven't made sense before.

Want to know if there is invisible emotional energy and pain holding you back? Take the quiz to find out.

Some people know from an early age exactly what they are passionate about and what they want to do with their life. They have a clear sense of purpose and develop a clear vision for who they want to be and what they want to accomplish.

There is often an assumption that this is how it should be for everyone. So if you are not clear on exactly who you are, what you’re passionate about, and what you want to do with your life, you can be left feeling as though there must be something wrong.

In fact, many people struggle with the whole concept of having passions, a purpose and vision, and it can even create anxiety. They say things like:

• What if I don’t know what my passion is?
  
• I am struggling with knowing exactly what my purpose is.
• I want to have passion and purpose but I can’t think of anything big enough.
• What comes first, passion or purpose?
  
• Is purpose the same as having a vision?
• Should I have a vision?
  
  

In this article I explore how to let go of any confusion or uncertainty, and connect with what’s important in a way that is meaningful for you.

Passion - something you enjoy doing so much that you lose track of time when you’re doing it. Perhaps you love reading about it, talking about it, and/or you want to do it any time you can. It can be something big and meaningful - like saving animals or the environment. But you might just as equally be passionate about baking, playing a sport, or doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Purpose - why you want to do something. Why do you enjoy it so much? Why is it so important to you? What is your purpose in doing it. Again, it could be something big - like you want to save the planet, or put an end to the suffering of animals, or it could be that completing a jigsaw gives you a feeling of accomplishment, or baking for your family is a way of showing your love for them.

Vision - your vision for yourself, your life and what you want to accomplish comes from knowing your passions and purpose, and is something that inspires you. Your vision can adapt and change as you grow and change. Again, you may have a big, bold vision that inspires you and is your motivation to get out of bed each morning. Or, your vision could simply be to be the best you can be at what you do, or to live the happiest life you can. When you have a vision you then start to think about HOW to make that vision happen.

If you don’t already have a clear idea of your passion, purpose and vision, here are some suggestions to help you connect with them in the way that’s right for you.

1. Let go of ‘shoulds’
   I think the first step is to let go of any thoughts about what they ‘should’ be, or what this is supposed to look like. For example, you may have read books about turning your passion into profit, and if that’s what you want to do, that’s great. But just because you have a passion for baking, that may not mean that you want to open a bakery. In fact, sometimes, when you turn a passion into something that you do for a living, it can actually take all the joy out of it.
   
   
2. Know what you want
   Of course, it is possible to turn something you are passionate about into a career or business and if that’s what you’d like to do, it’s important to pursue that. The question to ask yourself is whether this is something you’d like to be doing all the time. If you enjoy something so much that you love talking about it and being around people who do it and talk about it as much as you can, then you can explore what’s possible.
   
   
3. Brainstorm possibilities
   So often we dismiss things because we think it’s impossible to make a living doing it. For example, you may absolutely love everything about playing piano, but you’re not at the standard of a concert pianist. That doesn’t mean to say you couldn’t make a living with it. For example, perhaps you could work in a store that sold pianos, or perhaps you could teach people how to play, or create an online course that shows people how to play. Or perhaps you could host piano retreats (online at the moment of course) or something like that. There are many possibilities you may not have thought of. This would give you the opportunity to pursue what you are passionate about and make a living doing it - if that feels good to you.
   
   
4. Stop comparing
   I think one of the things that holds people back the most is when they compare themselves to others. You may look at someone else who has a very clear purpose and vision and knows what they are passionate about and think you want to be like them. This will lead to disappointment and frustration. It doesn’t matter what others are doing or not doing. The most important thing is to connect with yourself, to discover what’s important to you, what you enjoy and what feels right for you.
   
   
5. Allow for change
   You may be really passionate about something and driven to do it right now, but in a couple of years time that might change. You might be drawn to something else that becomes your new passion. I think we often feel held back because we think that once we choose something it’s then set in stone and we have to do it for the rest of our lives. Some people have more than one passion, and that’s okay. I love this TED talk by Emilie Wapnic, where she talks about why some of us don’t have one true calling.
   
   
6. Know who you are
   It’s important to learn how to connect with yourself at the deepest levels, with the core of who you are. Even if you love to do different things, and you seem to move from one thing to another, then what that means is that at your core, you are passionate about learning. Maybe you’re great at starting things and once they are started you love to hand them over to someone else so you can learn something new. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s who you are.
   
   
7. Know what you (really) want
   I always say that the biggest secret to getting what you want is to know what you (really) want. This may sound obvious, but when I work with clients this is the thing they often have the hardest time with. Often they think they know what they want, but when we really start digging a little deeper they find that what they thought they wanted is what they thought they ‘should’ want. It’s what they’ve been programmed to believe they wanted. That’s why I say you need to get to know what you (really) want. What feeds your soul? What lights you up? That’s what you want to connect with.

Passions:

There’s no doubt that being passionate about something energizes you. When something is very important to you, and you really enjoy it, you feel energized when you think about it, talk about it, or do it.

If you’re still finding it difficult to identify what your passions are, here are some things to think about:

• When you think about someone who is passionate about something, you probably think of someone who is on fire with ideas and motivation – who has really high energy. But not everyone feels passion that intently. Perhaps you really enjoy doing something, but it’s a quieter enjoyment. It brings you peace, it makes you feel good. But it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to spend every waking moment talking about it or being involved in it.
  
  
• Perhaps passion doesn’t have to be some big, bold thing that you do all the time. It can be other, smaller things. You might have a passion for music – but it’s not something you want to try making a living doing. You might have a passion for cooking – but you have no desire to open a restaurant. I have a passion for playing tennis, and I’ll play as much as I possibly can, but I have no vision of being able to do any more than that.
  
  
• You might have a passion for jigsaws, knitting, reading, writing or being outdoors – it could be any number of things. But you can simply enjoy doing them as much as you want, without needing to turn it into something big or bold or that you do all the time – unless you want to.
  

• What you’re passionate about doesn’t have to be something that you impress others with. And passions can change – you might find a time when you’re tired of doing jigsaws, but you find a love for crosswords or Sudoku.
  

• You don’t have to dismiss something you enjoy doing as not being a passion just because it doesn’t fit in with the stereotypical view of what a passion should or shouldn’t be.
  

Purpose

Feeling that you have a purpose and you are living that purpose is also energizing, rather than feeling that you’re just moving through each day with no sense of purpose.

When it comes to purpose, many people struggle to know what this is for them. When you do something with purpose, you do it with determination. When your activities have a purpose, you have an aim or intention in mind. I’m doing this because….

So really, everything you do has a purpose – you have a reason why you’re doing it. The important thing is to know what that ‘why’ is, and to make sure it’s a good fit for you.

For example, I mentioned that I’m passionate about tennis and will play as much as I possibly can. Why do I do it? For me, it’s about so much more than running around and hitting a ball, and getting exercise.

Getting exercise is helpful and important, I also enjoy the social aspect – being on a team and creating friendships with my teammates. But the biggest thing I get out of it, is that it’s a tremendous source of personal growth and improvement for me.

I’m always striving to improve – not just my tennis game, but my physical fitness, and my emotional and mental fitness as well. I have learned so much about myself, and other people, and handling conflict and difficult situations by playing tennis than anything else. How I feel and how I handle things when I’m playing tennis also helps me to make sense of many other things in my life.

So my purpose is much bigger than just the game of tennis.

If you’re thinking – well I have my job, but I’m not passionate about it and my purpose in doing it is so that I can pay my bills, well that’s still a purpose isn’t it? Maybe that’s not the purpose you want and perhaps you would ideally like to find a job that gives you more meaning and fulfillment. Then your job search would have purpose – it wouldn’t be just to find another job, it would be to find a job that is the best fit for you that gives you meaning and fulfillment.

Again, I think we often get stuck thinking that we have to have a big purpose in life – and that’s fine if that’s what you want. But everything you do has a reason behind it – I like to say it’s the energy behind what you’re doing. So if your purpose or the energy behind what you’re doing feels good, then you’ll get much more out of it – and so will everyone else around you.

Vision

Having a clear vision of who you are, what you want and where you want to go can give you the energy and motivation you need to get out of bed in the morning.

Many people are so used to simply getting up and getting through each busy day – and focusing on what they have to do and on the needs of the other people in their life, that they’ve completely lost touch with anything that might really fire them up and get them excited. They just don’t know what that is.

Were you ever asked – what is your vision for your life? Or where do you see yourself in the next 5 years – what’s your vision of where you’ll be and what you’ll be doing?

I always hated those questions because I just didn’t know. Having to come up with an answer to that always felt a bit fake to me – and I thought that was just me. But I now know that many people feel the same way.

My experience has been that when you let go of feeling that you need to have a vision, or that your vision for yourself or your life should be a certain way or isn’t big enough, then you open yourself up to more possibilities.

You can’t have a clear vision of anything unless you really know who you are at the deepest levels. The more you commit to self-awareness, the clearer you become on what you want for yourself and your life. But if you try to figure that out before you really know yourself, I think you may struggle.

And I think that’s where people do often struggle and feel stuck, and stay stuck. Because they’re trying to figure out their purpose and vision without really knowing themselves properly.

I think that when it comes to passion, purpose and vision it’s helpful to:

• Release expectations of what those should and shouldn’t be
  
• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Commit to learning more about yourself
• Allow for the fact that your passions, purpose and vision can change. As you change and grow so will they.
• Don’t let anyone else tell you what your passions, purpose or vision should be.
• Trust yourself to know what’s best for you

Most of all, take the pressure off, because what if, as the Dalai Lama says: The purpose of our lives is to be happy. Then all you need is know what makes you happy and do that.

What I’ve learned is that when you let go of trying to figure it all out, and instead make a commitment to getting to know and accept who you really are, then your passions, purpose and vision naturally emerge.

If you’re having difficulty knowing what it is that you really want for yourself and your life, a great place to start is to identify what you know you don’t want, and then go from there. It’s a great starting point to help you identify what you do really want.

Most importantly, make the decision to learn as much about yourself as you can. Every person and every situation has something to teach you about yourself. If you’d like to connect with a community of like-minded people who are on the same path, check out my exclusive membership membership program, where you will learn how to Know, Accept and BE Who You Are.

Not everyone feels comfortable when asked about their passion, purpose or vision. For many people it is a cause for confusion, they say things like:

• There are lots of things I enjoy, but I don't feel really passionate about anything
• I have no idea what my purpose is
• I feel as though I should know what I'm passionate about and have a purpose but the idea seems overwhelming to me
• Does it mean there's something wrong with me if I don't know what my purpose is?

These thoughts are more common than you might think, and I address them in this short video.

If you've ever felt this way, I hope this video will help you feel better and perhaps gain some clarity when it comes to passion, purpose and/or vision.

Confidence and self-esteem are terms that are often talked about together, but there are differences, and I think it’s helpful to understand the difference.

I think most of us experience low levels of both from time to time - some people more than others.

As someone who grew up with extremely low confidence and self-esteem, I know how painful that can be. I also know that you can transform, increasing your confidence and developing healthy self-esteem.

I didn’t used to think it was possible, but, having done it, I now know that it is and it’s something that anyone can accomplish - if they want to! That’s the key - you have to want to.

In this article I’ll share what I have found to be most helpful, what has worked for me and what improves in your life when you are able to change in this way.

Confidence is really about how you feel about your abilities, and self-esteem has more to do with how you feel about yourself - it relates to how you see yourself and relates to your sense of self-value and self worth.

Having low self-esteem can definitely have an effect on how confident you feel about something.

Even when you know you can do something, low self-esteem can mean that you don’t feel confident in your ability to carry it out, or that you worry about what people will think when you do.

For example, you can have low self-esteem, but be confident in certain areas of your life. Just like one client I worked with years ago who is a CPA. She is extremely confident in her work, but her low self-esteem allows her family to take advantage of her, causing her to feel extreme anxiety and stress.

Or you can have healthy self-esteem, but not feel confident about your abilities when it comes to certain things. This is often known as imposter syndrome - a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".

There are many well-known people and celebrities whom we know to be very successful, who have also admitted to having the experience of imposter syndrome.

Many people also become very good at hiding low self-esteem, and can appear to be very confident.

When I was younger this is exactly what I did. I remember receiving a promotion to work as personal assistant to the assistant director of a company. I was constantly terrified that I was going to mess up and they would find out I didn’t really know what I was doing.

Over time I became friendly with the Director’s personal assistant and one day, several months after I’d been in the job, she shared with me that when I first started she felt intimidated by me because I was so efficient!

I couldn’t believe it. I felt anything but efficient. My low self-esteem caused me to lack confidence in my abilities - but I obviously hid it very well!

Obviously, if you have low confidence and self-esteem, it’s not something that’s going to change overnight.

It’s a gradual process, and it’s something you work on every single day. It takes self-awareness, and a desire to improve. These are the steps that I’ve found to be helpful for me:
 



Notice - you have to become really good at noticing things like:

• When you’re holding yourself back
  
• When you doubt yourself
• When you lack confidence
• When you feel you’re not good enough
• When you have trouble saying no
• When people disrespect you and your boundaries
• When you need to set boundaries but you don’t
• When your inner critic is active
  

Becoming aware of a problem is always the first step to being able to change it.

Part of the problem is that we can become really good at hiding these things or denying them. When you make the decision that you want to change, then you will start to notice more.

Sometimes you won’t become aware of something until after it’s happened. It’s important not to be frustrated with that, because if this is new for you, it will take time for you to become really good at noticing.

Each time you do it, it will become easier and you’ll start to notice more.

Be honest - You must be really honest with yourself, and sometimes that’s uncomfortable.

For example, it took me quite a while to understand and admit to myself that my tendency towards perfectionism and unrealistic expectations was contributing to my feelings of not being good enough.

If I tried something new and it didn’t work right away, then I would feel like a failure. I would feel like there was something wrong with me, and would move on to look for answers elsewhere, instead of giving myself a chance to really learn from what I’d done and tweak it until I saw results. I would just dismiss it as a failure.

Acknowledging this was not comfortable for me at first. But doing so has enabled me to learn and move on. I now recognize whenever this is happening and can stop myself repeating the same unhealthy patterns.

Question everything - I have really learned to use the power of questions to turn things around. Whenever you find that you’re being critical of yourself or doubting yourself, asking questions like these can be transformative:

• What’s really true?
• What am I really afraid of?
• What would be the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?
• How can I best support myself through this?
• If I really believed in myself, what would I do differently?
• What do I need to learn from this situation so that I can move on?
• What do I really want?
  

It doesn’t matter if you don’t have answers to the questions right away. Simply asking them is empowering. Turn a question over in your mind. Write about it. The answers you need will come, as long as you ask the questions.

Talk things through - I think it’s important to have someone on your side who is trustworthy and supportive that you can talk to. You don’t need them to tell you what to do - in fact it’s better if they don’t. Just ask them to listen and let you talk.

Often, just the simple act of reaching out to someone in this way can bring clarity and answers.

This happened for me recently. I was feeling particularly overwhelmed with some things that were going on for me, and could not see a way forward. At first, I tried to sort through it all by myself, but ultimately had to admit that I needed help.

I reached out to a trusted friend and talked things through with her. She asked me a few helpful questions and at the end of the call I had a new sense of clarity that I hadn’t been able to find by myself.

Before, I had no idea how to move forward. After the call, I knew exactly what to do - not because she told me what to do, but because the act of talking it through with someone brought me to the clarity I needed.

It’s important to recognize that not everybody is capable of fulfilling this role for you. So, if you talk to your partner, or friend, or family member, and don’t receive the kind of help and support you need, don’t be upset with them. Perhaps they are not able to give you what you need.

You’re not looking for someone to ‘fix’ things for you (tempting as that might be). You’re simply looking for someone who can listen, perhaps ask questions, and simply be there to support and encourage you. That may be a friend, or a colleague, or a coach or mentor. Know who that person is for you and don’t be afraid to ask them whenever you need help.

The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow, as you see that you do have what it takes to move through any challenge. Each time you will feel better about yourself as you gain the clarity you need.

Monitor your thoughts - Often people think this means that you should always think positive thoughts and never think negative ones. That’s not helpful at all.

• Your thoughts can be very helpful when you notice and acknowledge them. For example, if your thoughts are along the lines of:
  
• 
  
• Why is this always happening to me?
• What’s wrong with me?
• What will people think of me?
• What if I don’t really know what I’m doing?
• What if I get it wrong?

These are important clues that tell you the belief of “I’m not good enough” is active.

Instead of trying to force yourself to change these thoughts into positive ones, instead, try asking yourself some of the questions mentioned above.

Another approach I’ve used with great success is to use “what if” questions to help you, like this:

• What if this is happening for me, not to me?
• What if there’s something important I can learn from this?
• What if there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m good enough as I am?
• What if people really like what I’m doing?
• What if I really do know what I’m doing?
• What if I can’t get it wrong?

I have found that using ‘what if’ in this way can help to calm the mind down and focus it on more helpful thoughts. It’s not about denying any negative or unhelpful thoughts - it’s about using them as stepping stones to your success, which will help you increase your sense of worth and confidence.

Celebrate your progress - Sometimes it’s difficult to see progress, because it can be subtle. So there’s a tendency to think you’re not making any.

This often happens with clients and it’s not until we take a look back to see where they were, how they felt, and what was going on when we first started working together that they realize they’ve made significant progress.

You can support yourself through this process by celebrating every single win. For example, you can give yourself a pat on the back:

• Every time you’re able to turn an unhelpful thought around.
• Every time you reach out to talk things through with someone.
• Whenever you notice that the belief of not being good enough is showing up.
• Each time you notice that you’re experiencing imposter syndrome.
• Whenever you say ‘no’ to something and feel good about it.
• Whenever someone says something negative or hurtful and you don’t let it bother you.

These are all causes for celebration and will help you feel better about yourself.

Accept your uniqueness - Any time you compare yourself to other people you are setting yourself up for the experience of not feeling good enough.

We often put pressure on ourselves because we see what other people are doing and wonder why things don’t happen in the same way for us. Or we think we want to be like someone else, or we’re told we should be more like someone else or do things in the same way.

The truth is that you are unique. So am I. Instead of trying to be like someone else, or do things in the same way - find YOUR way. Be the best YOU that you can be.

When you can fully, completely and unapologetically be yourself, this is where you can experience true happiness, success and fulfillment by increasing confidence and self-esteem.

Trust yourself - If there’s one piece of advice I wish I could have given to my younger self it’s this.

My low levels of confidence and self-esteem caused me to put my trust in others, instead of trusting myself.

Have you ever done something that someone else wanted you to do, even though it didn’t feel right to you at all? But you did it because you thought they must be right?

Has this ever worked out for you?

I’ve done this many times in the past, and each time I paid a high price for it. I remember clearly the last time I did this. I had been working with a group of people on a particular project with the understanding that I was only helping to get things started. Once it was ready, I would leave, because I had other things I wanted to do.

However, when the time came, even though I knew it was not right for me, I let the others persuade me to stay. I told myself it wouldn’t be for long - but it ended up being about 4 years, and I was miserable.

I finally learned my lesson from that experience. I trust myself and if something doesn’t feel right for me, then I don’t do it. I don’t ever want to put myself in that position again. It was soul destroying.

Learn to trust yourself - talk things through with others, listen to advice from others, but ultimately, check in with yourself to see what feels right to you and trust it.

Your inner guidance is priceless, and it can take time to learn to trust it, but you can start right now.

1. Be gentle with yourself - major transformation like this takes time. The best way is to love yourself through it. Practice self-care and be kind to yourself, always.
   
   
2. Allow others to support you - increasing self-esteem requires that you surround yourself with positive, supportive and encouraging people. The more you take care of yourself, the more of these people you will attract. Don’t be afraid to allow them to help you.
   
   
3. Find other ways to increase confidence and self-esteem - every little thing you do will help. Consistency is important. This article in Psychology Today shares some tools and activities that will help you increase self-esteem.
   
   

According to the Mayo Clinic, “When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving the respect of others. When you have low self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas.”

I think that’s a really good description. It stands to reason also that when you have healthy self-esteem, your confidence increases too.

If your self-esteem is low right now, it may seem like an overwhelming task to change that. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. All you have to do is make a start and each little thing you do will bring added momentum.

There are many reasons why you’ll want to - here are just a few:

• You’ll feel better, have more clarity and feel more at peace
  
• You’ll let go of feelings of anxiety, overwhelm and struggle
• You’ll feel happier and enjoy life more
• You’ll attract more enjoyable people and situations into your life
• You’ll never want to go back to the way you were before
• Everyone around you will get to experience the best of you
• Your transformation will help and inspire others
  

There’s no time like the present to get started!

For more information on how to be who you really are, request a free guide: 10 Steps to Be Who YOU Are.

People can often appear to be confident, especially when they are very knowledgeable. But no matter how much knowledge, skills and talents you have, or gain, that won’t help you feel better about yourself if you have the deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough.

In this short video you'll learn:

• How we hide low self-esteem and not feeling good enough
• The cost of not acknowledging our real feelings
  
• Being honest with yourself
• A strategy for beginning to increase self-esteem

"The Human Design System is a synthesis of ancient and modern sciences, and has proven to be a valuable tool for human understanding.

With Human Design you discover what makes you different from everyone else. It offers profound insights into your psychology, along with strategies and techniques for making correct decisions and ultimately leading to a life of more ease and fulfillment." - Jovian Archive

I have found that it's an incredibly valuable self-awareness tool, helping you understand yourself at much deeper levels so that you can channel your energy in the healthiest and most effective ways.

I recently interviewed Human Design Expert, Nattalee K. Lilliko on Facebook Live - we discussed:

• What is Human Design and how/why is it useful?
• A description of the main types
• We take a look at my Human Design chart and some of the biggest learning for me
• How and where you can learn more
  

I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did.