What is self-care? When we think of self-care, we usually think of doing things like taking time for ourselves, taking a hot bath, having a massage, etc., But there’s a lot more to it than that, and I was inspired to write this tip by a quote I saw recently:

“Self-care is also not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” – Ayishat A. Akanbi

This reminded me that there is so much more to self-care. Last week I talked about knowing when to withdraw your energy from a situation or person – that is an act of self-care. Here are some other examples:

• Knowing what is important to you and not settling for anything less
  
• De-cluttering and organizing your living and working spaces so the energy feels good and the environments can support you
• Making time to do the things you really want to do, and not putting them off
• Saying no when you want to say no
• Saying yes to the things you want to say yes to
• Releasing people, situations, objects and thoughts that do not support you and do not feel good
• Learning how to turn your inner critic into your inner coach
  
• Giving yourself permission to receive the best in life
• Recognizing your true worth and value
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Learning to love and appreciate yourself and your body
• Asking for help when you need it and allowing yourself to receive it

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. You have an opportunity to practice self-care every day, all the time.

Action Step: Take one item from this list and commit to incorporating it into your life for the next week, and see how it feels.

Which one can you start doing now? What else can you add to this list?

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

I am now willing to make self-care my highest priority and allow more of what feels good into my life. I deserve it and I am worth it.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Know when to withdraw your energy – You know what it’s like when you’re trying to explain something to someone and they refuse to believe you? Or when you want to help someone feel better, but they reject every suggestion you make? Really, any situation where you feel like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall and the harder you try to make the other person (or people) understand, the worse it gets?

I had a situation once where a person accused me of doing something that I did not do – in fact I would not do, but they told everyone that I did. The more I tried to explain to anyone that I didn’t in fact do what I was being accused of, the worse the situation became.

These are all situations where the best thing you can do is to withdraw your energy. This isn’t giving up, not at all. Rather it’s a recognition that you are wasting your energy in a futile attempt to make others understand something. The more energy you put into it, the more you feed their position. They become more entrenched and you become more depleted.

It can be really hard to withdraw energy like this, but in my situation I recognized that it was the only thing I could do. Once I did, the whole thing went away.

Another time I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into trying to help someone, who was complaining to me about a situation. I realized that she really didn’t want to be helped, she just wanted to complain. So I withdrew my energy, just listened and didn’t let myself get hooked into a discussion about her complaint. Once she realized I wasn’t going to get hooked, she moved onto something else.

You can easily become depleted by investing energy into something (or someone) that’s not going to change. The trick is to recognize it and know when to withdraw energy. You don’t necessarily have to withdraw yourself, only your energy.

Action Step: Think of a situation or a person that’s frustrating you right now. Consider withdrawing your energy (which includes your thoughts about it) and focusing on something else instead. Notice how you feel and how the situation changes as a result.

The following affirmation will help:

I release the need to invest my energy in people, things and situations that don’t serve me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

The art of being yourself – it sounds strange to think that there should be an art to being yourself, but really there is. Because there is so much pressure on us, from all sorts of people and places, for us to be someone or something else.

You may become afraid of making mistakes because of what people will think of you. You may put your wants and desires on hold to please other people.  Perhaps you’ve been led to believe there’s something wrong with you because you are different from the majority of other people – if you’re highly sensitive and/or empathic this is highly likely.

It is no exaggeration to say that I used to have absolutely no confidence and no self-esteem. People were often telling me I was “too sensitive,” or that I thought too much, or that I should behave like others. So much so that I had to shut myself down as I was growing up, because I didn’t fit in with other people’s expectations of me.

I’ve learned a lot and come a long way since then. The most important thing I’ve learned is that not only is it okay to be myself, it’s essential. I can’t be anything or anyone else. And neither can you. You can only be you.

The problem is, when you’ve spent most of your life believing that it’s not okay to be who you really are, you may have lost touch with what that means. I think it’s time to change that. If you think so too, here is a starting point:

Action Step: Make a list of the values that are most important to you, such as: health, freedom, security, wealth, creativity, achievement, family, spirituality, honesty. Once you have a list, identify the top 5 and then ask yourself, on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest) how present each of these is in your life right now.

For example, if freedom is extremely important to you, how much freedom do you feel you have? Do you feel free to be yourself or are you trying to fit in with everyone else?

For anything that’s less than a 10, think about what it would take/what you could do, to increase the number even a little bit.

Use this affirmation:
I am now willing to fully embrace my uniqueness and I release the need to be who others think I should be.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. I’m pleased to announce that registration is now open for my Master Class: The Confident and Liberated HSP: How HSPs Can Thrive Professionally and Personally, Without Compromise. Click the button below for details and registration. My gift to you is $20 off the normal registration price of $47 – use coupon code WEBINAR when you check out.

I want HSPs to feel good about themselves and for high sensitivity to be recognized for what it is - a trait – just like being an introvert or extrovert. It’s time that we stopped holding ourselves back simply because others don’t understand. If you know someone who is an HSP, make sure they attend this master class.

Do you ever feel that you are being controlled by your emotions? Perhaps you even experience extreme mood swings? One moment you can be so motivated, happy and feeling amazing and the next moment you feel angry, frustrated or overwhelmed. Sometimes the intensity of the emotional force you feel can be so strong that you feel powerless to do anything about it and it overtakes you, until everything in your life is negatively impacted.

We are driven daily by our emotions and they are an important influence on our physical health. When you learn how to manage your emotions, it helps you to lead healthier life. Most importantly, you can also use the difficult and painful emotions as stepping stones to propel you to greater levels of success.

What would it feel like to master your emotions so you know that no person or situation can take your power away. You can learn how to stop giving your power away to others.

For example, why is it that some people seem to get under your skin & you can’t stop thinking about what they said or what they did?  Your encounter with them goes round and round in your mind - perhaps you even run through various conversations with them in your head. Even when you want to stop, you can’t. It’s like they’ve taken up residence inside your head and it can drive you crazy.

What if you had a way to take that situation and use it to gain new insights about yourself?  You can learn to release whatever emotions have been stirred up and feel at peace with the outcome? No more conversations rolling round in your head. No more wishing you’d said this or that or wondering why this happened in the first place.

With practice you can learn to get your emotions under control quickly and move on much faster. Here are six steps that will help you do just that:

1. Name it – you’ll want to identify what has been triggered in you by the person or situation. What is the dominant emotion? For example, is it anger, disappointment, frustration or something else? As Dr. Phil says, “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”
   
   
2. Vent – you’ll see that steps 2 and 3 are actually connected, but I like to list them as separate steps because I think it’s more effective that way. Once you’ve identified the emotion let yourself vent. It’s good to do this by writing it out, but you can also do it in your head. Think or write about exactly what happened and how you feel. We often believe that it’s not good to think ‘negative’ thoughts, and so when you feel a painful emotion you may think that you have to keep all your thoughts and feelings locked up and not let them out. Here, you have permission to let them out. When you keep them locked up, they will continue to affect you long after the situation has passed, so be as specific as you can.
   
   
3. Feel it – as you’re thinking about how you feel or writing about it, really allow yourself to feel the emotion. Notice where you feel it most in your body. Again, this may be something you’ve been afraid to do in the past because you feel that this is giving in to the emotion and if you do so you won’t be able to let it go. The opposite is actually true. It’s only by allowing yourself to go through it that you can come out on the other side of it. So put your attention on the emotion and where you feel it. Notice everything you can about it.
   
   
4. Be curious – ask yourself what this feeling/emotion is telling you. What has really been triggered? You may find that something from your past comes to mind. Or you might find that it’s a belief or fear that you had that you thought you’d already worked through. Don’t judge what comes to you as you ask this question, and don’t be harsh with yourself as you ask it. Ask with curiosity. There is always something to learn from any situation. You are experiencing it and feeling what you’re feeling for a reason. When you learn whatever you need from the situation, then you won’t need the situation any more. You’ll find it’s no longer an issue for you and you can move on.
   
   
5. Move on – ask yourself - what is one thing I can do to move forward? What is the most loving thing I can do for myself in this situation? You might feel as though you have no idea what to do about your situation. You might feel that you are powerless. But you really do have the answers you need inside you. Once you work through and release the overwhelming emotions that you’re feeling, you allow clarity to come to you. It’s then that the answers you need can come – so ask the question, take care of yourself and allow the answers to come in whatever way they can. Perhaps you’ll think of an idea, or perhaps you’ll read, or hear or see something that points the way, or perhaps someone will come into your life who can help you.
   
   
6. Raise your vibration - “Your vibration is a way of describing your overall state of being. Everything in the Universe is made up of energy vibrating at different frequencies. Even things that look solid are made of vibrational energy fields at the quantum level. This includes you.” (Cassandra Sturdy).
   
   When your vibration is low, you will not feel good, you may feel overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, etc., and everything will seem difficult or impossible. The worse you feel, the lower your vibration and, since we attract things of the same vibration, you will continue to attract more things to feel stressed about.
   
   So it’s important to raise your vibration, not only so you feel better, but also because doing so will bring you clarity, ideas, resources, and more things to feel good about.
   
   Most simply, you will raise your vibration any time you do or think about something that makes you feel good. For example, you might think about a loved one, or a pet and that may immediately make you feel good. You could listen to some uplifting music or go for a walk in nature. You might take a relaxing hot bath, or go for a massage or receive energy work. Focusing on things that you appreciate and are grateful for also helps to raise your vibration.

Summary
These six steps will help you take any situation and any overpowering emotion. Instead of letting it take you over, you’ll be able to use it to empower yourself and feel stronger. By squarely facing the difficult emotion or situation, you take away its power and re-claim your own. Instead of avoiding it, you face it and move through it. Once you’ve moved through it, you can focus on ways to raise your vibration by finding things to feel good about.

This is how you successfully navigate through difficult and painful emotions and become Unstoppable.

Linda
P.S. I've created a short (10 minute) video that walks you through each of these 6-steps - what I call my Emotional Relief Technique. With practice, this is something you can use any time, anywhere, to help you move through any overwhelming emotion so it doesn't continue to affect you. If you'd like to access the video, just click on the button below.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is someone who is more attuned to the environment and people around them. Their brains and nervous systems are wired differently from most people, which gives them the ability to take in a lot more sensory information. Some HSPs also have very high levels of empathy, which means they can physically take on and feel the emotions and pain of others.

Research by clinical psychologist, Elaine Aron (presented in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person) shows that the trait of high sensitivity applies to about 20% of the population.

Because of their differences and their sensitive nature, many HSPs experience difficulty finding and staying in a job that is a good fit for them. Being different from the majority of others at work can cause them to be ostracized, ignored for promotion, or even bullied. The amount of stimulation in a typical work environment can cause a great deal of stress, over-stimulation, frustration and a sense of overwhelm. Their unique trait means they often have tremendous potential, and work harder than their peers, yet they often feel ignored, undervalued and misunderstood.

We all need to earn a living, and it’s a shame that many HSPs have to work in situations that make them so unhappy. If you are an HSP and you are struggling in your professional life, here are some strategies that will help:

1. Know Yourself – before you can expect others to understand you, you must first understand yourself. What are your sensitivities and your abilities? What are your unique talents? What do you particularly enjoy? What conditions enable you to do your best work? For example, do you need absolute quiet? Do you prefer to work alone?
   
   
2. Accept Your Differences – as an HSP you are different from the majority of people. I’m sure you know this already, but you may put a lot of effort into trying to fit in, trying to be like others, and trying to do things the same way as others. This will never work. You are NOT like everyone else. Comparing yourself to others or trying to do things the same way will only cause you more frustration. You feel and see things differently, you do things differently and you know things that others don’t. Don’t expect others to know what you know – they are not receiving the same sensory input that you are, so they cannot know. The simple act of accepting your differences can bring a great sense of peace.
   
   
3. Speak up – I know, this can be difficult for HSPs and for introverted HSPs in particular. You may be hesitant to speak up because you have been criticized in the past for being different. This is because people are afraid of what they don’t understand. They don’t understand you and they simply see you as being different, not only from them, but from most people. They can automatically jump to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with you. It’s up to you to put them straight. Knowing yourself at the deepest level, and accepting who you are – really owning it – will bring you confidence. Begin to speak up with confidence. Find someone (a boss, supervisor, or Human Resources professional) who is open and who will listen to you. Tell them what you need in order to be able to work most efficiently and effectively. Do this in a confident way, and not in a complaining way. Stick to facts. You might even point out that there is a trait known as high sensitivity (just like there is a trait of being extrovert or introvert) and you can refer them to Elaine Aron’s research. When you speak up and ask for what you need, you’ll be surprised at how willing some people may be to listen and do something to help you.
   
   
4. Take Care of Your Energy – because it’s so easy for HSPs to become over-stimulated in a work environment, it’s important to make self-care a priority. There are many things that can help, for example:
   
   - Make sure that your home is your sanctuary, a place where you can re-energize and re-balance yourself;
   
   - Take care of your body by eating fresh, nourishing foods, exercising, and relaxing as much as you need to;
   
   - Take care of your mind, by doing things like spending regular amounts of time alone, making time for prayer, meditation and/or journaling, reading and listening to inspirational messages, etc.;
   
   - Make time for doing things that you enjoy and that are fulfilling to you – this could be at work if your work is very meaningful to you. If it isn’t, then make sure you have something else in your life that has meaning. It could be a hobby, or charity work or self-improvement of some kind;
   
   - Connect with people who understand and support you. This can be difficult for HSPs because you may not personally know anyone else who is like you. There are active communities online, particularly on Facebook, of other HSPs and empaths. These are safe groups where you can share successes and receive input on challenges you’re experiencing. These are people who will understand and listen to you. This is particularly important if you don’t feel accepted and understood at work or at home;
   
   - Make your work environment support you in whatever way you can – even if all you can do is have some plants or pictures of nature in your cubicle, that will help. Use noise-cancelling headphones if you need to and calming/inspiring music if you can. Take regular breaks to calm your mind and your energy. Use essential oils to balance your energy.
   
   
5. Use Your Gifts – there are things that you know are your unique gifts. What are they? Hopefully you have listed these already, from Step 1. Once you know what they are and you accept that you have them, you want to make sure you use them. Nothing stifles your energy more than not using your innate gifts, talents and abilities. Do you have a strong intuition about certain things, do you know things without knowing how or why you know them? Are you someone that people come to for advice or to tell their problems to? All of these things are clues to your unique gifts. Once you identify them, you must use them in some way – this may be at work, or it may be in other ways. These are gifts that make you uniquely you and they need to be used. If you really don’t know what they are, make it your job now to find out, embrace them, and figure out how to use them.

Summary
Elaine Aron, who is the pioneer in this field says: “Someday, we will be so valued, I believe, that organizations will compete for their share of HSPs. Our needs will be met because it will be economically wise to do so.” I think she’s right. Change is coming. Awareness is growing. But until then, we must learn to take care of ourselves.

It is possible for HSPs to thrive in their professional lives, but we can’t wait for other people to know what we need and help us thrive. We have to take the lead. We have to help them to help us. People will understand what we’re really capable of, and see that we’re not a threat. When people see we have a great deal to offer, we will be fully accepted. That’s when organizations will start competing for their share of HSPs. It’s up to us.

These strategies will help you thrive both professionally and personally. This is a great place to start.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. I've put together a Resource Guide for HSPs with 10 of my favorite books and other helpful tools. These have been so helpful for me, and I hope they will be for you too. If you'd like to download the Resource Guide, just click on the button below. You will be asked for your email address so I can send it to you - and because of the anti-spam laws you'll be asked to confirm - but I think you'll agree that it's worth it.

A highly sensitive person is someone who tends to be attuned to their surroundings. They are often intuitive and empathic, have a keen imagination and may feel very overwhelmed by noise, chaos and crowds. They can have trouble fitting in and have been perceived as “too shy” or “too sensitive.”

It is estimated that approximately 20% of the population is highly sensitive. The term is becoming more well-known, particularly since Elaine Aaron published her books ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ and ‘The Highly Sensitive Child.’

Many people object to the term ‘highly sensitive’ because it is often thought of as being a bad thing. Some prefer terms like highly attuned or highly aware, since those terms don’t carry the negative connotation of being ‘overly sensitive.’

It can be difficult for most people to understand or relate to highly sensitive people. I think that’s mostly because we don’t really understand ourselves. I certainly didn’t for most of my life. Because we were seen as being different from everyone else when we were growing up, other people, particularly our parents and family, didn’t know how to relate to us. A highly sensitive person often tries very hard to fit in but is unable to do so, and so they conclude that there must be something wrong with them. We’re often told things like “you’re too sensitive;” “get over it;” “you’re being childish, grow up;” and, my personal favorite “don’t be so stupid.” As if when we say that we are uncomfortable in certain situations or don’t want to do certain things, we’re just being difficult.

If you are highly sensitive or know someone who is, these tips might help you have a better understanding about what it means:

1. We’re not delicate. Being sensitive simply means that we are more tuned in to the environment and to the people around us. We pick up on things that most others do not. We notice things. It doesn’t mean that we will fall apart if you are direct and honest with us (in fact we prefer it because then we know where we stand with you). It also doesn’t mean that we’re going to burst into tears at the slightest thing.
   
   
2. There’s nothing wrong with us. We are not broken. We do not need fixing. We are just different. We don’t often enjoy the same things that many others enjoy – and this isn’t just in our heads, it’s a physical thing. We actually feel physical symptoms that are uncomfortable in response to things like: noise, fluorescent lighting, smoke, perfumes, chemical smells, crowds, chaotic environments, and so on.
   
   
3. We are not unsociable, nor do we think that we’re better than everyone else. Those who are highly sensitive and also introverts can respond to over-stimulation by withdrawing and becoming quiet. We may decline to join you at a bar or an event where there are lots of people, not because we’re unsociable, but because we know we wouldn’t enjoy it and we would suffer afterwards. We know, from experience, that it can take us days to recover from such over-stimulation.
   
   
4. Not all highly sensitive people are introverts, and vice versa. There are people who are extroverted and yet also highly sensitive. The difference is that an introverted HSP will tend to withdraw when experiencing over-stimulation, while an extrovert may lash out and become aggressive or angry. Although again, this depends on the person, not all extroverted HSP’s will act this way.
   
   
5. It’s easy to think that HSP’s might not thrive in leadership positions. The opposite is true. They can thrive (although they may not always want to). In fact, HSP’s make great leaders because they can be more in-tune with the other members of their team and have a wider perspective. They also tend to pick up on things that others might miss – such as emotions, body language, and facial expressions - because they are so highly aware.

There’s no doubt about it, being highly sensitive can be difficult. But those difficulties are greatly reduced and your sensitivities can be turned into great strengths once you fully understand and own who you are. It’s easy to think there must be something wrong with you when you are not the same as the majority of other people. But being different is not a problem, it’s a gift. Learn who you are and when challenging situations come up, help others to understand. Don’t expect them to automatically know, you must help them – and know how to help yourself.

Not sure if you're highly sensitive? Want to know how sensitive you are? Take this simple Sensory Processing Self-Assessment to find out.