Complain less – we all complain. Even the happiest people complain. Very often we complain without realizing it.

We complain about big things and little things: “it’s too hot,” “it’s too cold,” “there’s too much traffic,” “this person shouldn’t be doing that,” and so on.

Complaining drains energy. Think of what it’s like when you’re around someone who complains a lot. You probably feel drained after being with them.

Certainly we all need to vent every once in a while when things seem to be too much, and I’m not talking about trying to be positive when you feel the opposite, but sometimes we can slip into a habit of complaining, rather than doing something about the issue, or working to become less judgmental.

I think the first step is to notice when you’re complaining or about to complain. I try to catch myself whenever I start complaining (even if it’s just a critical thought) and if I can notice it, I will try to turn the thought around to something more constructive and helpful. Sometimes I don’t notice it until after I’ve done it, but even the noticing is helpful because complaining really doesn’t feel good. Of course, sometimes it’s easier than others!

Each time you find yourself complaining think of what it’s doing to your energy and ask yourself if that’s really where you want your energy to go. Could you change the complaining into action or simply accept the situation and give your mind something else to focus on?

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

Ask for what you want/need – we often feel disappointed because others don’t behave in the way we want or do things for us that we need. The problem is that most of the time they don’t know what we want because we don’t tell them, we just expect them to know and then become disappointed because they don’t deliver.

If you don’t like the way you’re being treated by someone tell them how you’d like to be treated. If you don’t feel you’re being appreciated, tell people what would make you feel appreciated. If you want help but nobody’s offering – ask for the help you need.

This isn’t to say that you will always get what you want, sometimes you won’t. But when you want or need something yet don’t articulate it, you will almost certainly be disappointed, and this can lead to resentment and anger.
Stop thinking that people should know what you want or that you shouldn’t have to ask – perhaps they don’t know, so simply ask. This simple step will improve your relationships and boost your energy and you’ll feel much happier when you allow people to deliver for you because they know what you want or need.

Release the need to explain – when someone asks you to do something or to go somewhere and you can’t or don’t want to, simply saying “no, that doesn’t work for me” is enough. Or if you decide to do something and others don’t understand why you’re doing it, you don’t need to explain yourself.

When you feel the need to explain or justify why you are doing something or why you can’t do it you are giving your power away. You don’t need to try and make people feel better or understand your decisions.

We do this because we don’t want to upset people or we don’t want them to think badly of us. The truth is, they won’t – or if they do, then these are not people you want to be around anyway.

This week be aware of whenever you find yourself trying to explain yourself and your decisions. See if you can simply say no without the explanations and notice how it feels.

Love yourself – write down 5 things that you love about yourself. Can you do this every day for the rest of the week? Could you do this for a month?

Some people find this extremely challenging – they find it easier to write a list of things they dislike about themselves.

This is an extremely powerful exercise, and the longer you do it, the more powerful it becomes. We all tend to put our focus and attention on what we don’t like about ourselves, try putting your attention on what you love about yourself for a while. See how this transforms you.

Don’t hold it all in – when someone or something has upset you and you feel upset, angry, frustrated or powerless, are you able to articulate how you feel? Do you let someone know when they’ve upset you or do you hold it all in?

If you hold in your feelings, then frustration, resentment and even anger will build up. The only person this affects is you.

If you can’t find a way to tell someone how you feel (in a calm way) because you don’t like conflict or you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, you must find another way to let go of what you’re feeling.

Writing can be a very helpful way to do this. You can write a letter to the person (which you won’t send) explaining exactly what happened and how you feel about it. You can then tear up or burn the letter. Or you can simply write in a journal or notebook about it. This helps you release it.

You could also vent your frustrations to a trusted friend, or coach. Someone who is able to listen and let you get it all out without taking it on themselves or adding to what you already feel – they’re there just to listen and let you talk, and perhaps to ask some guiding questions to help you move beyond  what has happened.

The important thing is that you must release it or the pressure will build and it will impact every aspect of your life. This is important for everyone – and particularly so for those who are highly sensitive.

Transform your ‘what if’s’ – most of our fears come from thoughts of what ‘might’ happen. We often hold ourselves back and let anxiety take over when we let the ‘what if’s’ take over. ‘What if this happens?’ ‘What if this doesn’t happen?’ ‘What if I’m not good/smart enough?’ ‘What if I can’t do it?’ ‘What if I fail?’

I’m sure you’ve had these thoughts running through your mind many times. If you’re not careful they can take over until you find yourself consumed by fear and anxiety.

When the ‘what if’s’ show up, I like to turn them around by playing what I call the ‘what if game.’ It simply means that you turn your what if’s around like this:

What if I couldn’t fail?
What if I have all the skills, energy, talent, ability that I need?
What if people love what I’m doing?
What if it works out exactly as I want it to – or even better?
What if I’m good enough in every way?

You get the idea. When you turn your what if’s around in this way you will feel re-energized. It will help you do the things you are most afraid of doing. What if that’s all you need to do?

Connect with the real you – our lives are so busy with the roles we have to perform: wife, mother, sister, friend, business owner, coach, employee, etc., that these roles become our identity.

The truth is that these roles can change at any moment. Your roles are not who you really are.

Take some time this week to consider who you are without your various roles. Who are YOU really? The real you wants to be recognized and acknowledged. When you do this, you connect with your vitality – your real energy source.

Notice how you become more energized as you contemplate who you really are beyond the roles that you play in life.

Sing- whether you sing by yourself, in a group, or simply in the shower, singing is good for you.

Over the past ten years there has been significant research on the physiological, neurological and emotional benefits of singing by major universities and research institutions. This research reveals that “regular singing can help to elevate mood, increase immunity and provide a first rate cognitive workout among other benefits.”

In simple terms, singing helps you feel good and has health benefits – great reasons to do more of it. So this week, make a point of putting on your favorite songs and singing along. Notice how it changes your energy and your mood. Have fun with it.

Identify the Highlights – a good friend and colleague asked me a great question on my birthday last week. She asked me what has been the highlight of the year since my last birthday.

That really got me thinking, and as I was looking for the highlight I realized that there were actually many. These are things that I would not have thought about, had I not been asked about it.

I happen to know that in my friend’s family this is a question that is asked every night. “What was your highlight today?” I think that’s a great question to ask because it gets us focusing on what’s good and what’s working, rather than on what’s not working and what we don’t like.

It’s a real energy changer.

So now I’ll ask you – what has been the highlight of your year so far? And, I invite you to ask yourself at the end of each day what your highlight for that day is. It would also be helpful to write it down, because then, when you’re struggling to find something good about your day, you can go back and look at all your highlights – and that will shift your energy.

Release the need for approval from others – if you wait for others to like or approve of you it’s very likely that you will spend a lot of time feeling disappointed.

There is only one person you need approval from and that is yourself. When you seek approval from others, it’s usually because you feel insecure (not good enough) in some way and are looking for validation from others.

You cannot get what you need from anyone else, only from yourself. When you realize and embrace this, and are willing to love and approve of yourself you take back the energy that you were wasting on insecurity and self-doubt. Interestingly enough, that’s usually when you find that others will start noticing and approving of you – but it’s not because you need it, it’s because you are willing to give it to yourself.

If you are ready for a breakthrough and need help – consider a Powerful Breakthrough Session.