What is self-care? When we think of self-care, we usually think of doing things like taking time for ourselves, taking a hot bath, having a massage, etc., But there’s a lot more to it than that, and I was inspired to write this tip by a quote I saw recently:

“Self-care is also not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” – Ayishat A. Akanbi

This reminded me that there is so much more to self-care. Last week I talked about knowing when to withdraw your energy from a situation or person – that is an act of self-care. Here are some other examples:

• Knowing what is important to you and not settling for anything less
  
• De-cluttering and organizing your living and working spaces so the energy feels good and the environments can support you
• Making time to do the things you really want to do, and not putting them off
• Saying no when you want to say no
• Saying yes to the things you want to say yes to
• Releasing people, situations, objects and thoughts that do not support you and do not feel good
• Learning how to turn your inner critic into your inner coach
  
• Giving yourself permission to receive the best in life
• Recognizing your true worth and value
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Learning to love and appreciate yourself and your body
• Asking for help when you need it and allowing yourself to receive it

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. You have an opportunity to practice self-care every day, all the time.

Action Step: Take one item from this list and commit to incorporating it into your life for the next week, and see how it feels.

Which one can you start doing now? What else can you add to this list?

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

I am now willing to make self-care my highest priority and allow more of what feels good into my life. I deserve it and I am worth it.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Know when to withdraw your energy – You know what it’s like when you’re trying to explain something to someone and they refuse to believe you? Or when you want to help someone feel better, but they reject every suggestion you make? Really, any situation where you feel like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall and the harder you try to make the other person (or people) understand, the worse it gets?

I had a situation once where a person accused me of doing something that I did not do – in fact I would not do, but they told everyone that I did. The more I tried to explain to anyone that I didn’t in fact do what I was being accused of, the worse the situation became.

These are all situations where the best thing you can do is to withdraw your energy. This isn’t giving up, not at all. Rather it’s a recognition that you are wasting your energy in a futile attempt to make others understand something. The more energy you put into it, the more you feed their position. They become more entrenched and you become more depleted.

It can be really hard to withdraw energy like this, but in my situation I recognized that it was the only thing I could do. Once I did, the whole thing went away.

Another time I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into trying to help someone, who was complaining to me about a situation. I realized that she really didn’t want to be helped, she just wanted to complain. So I withdrew my energy, just listened and didn’t let myself get hooked into a discussion about her complaint. Once she realized I wasn’t going to get hooked, she moved onto something else.

You can easily become depleted by investing energy into something (or someone) that’s not going to change. The trick is to recognize it and know when to withdraw energy. You don’t necessarily have to withdraw yourself, only your energy.

Action Step: Think of a situation or a person that’s frustrating you right now. Consider withdrawing your energy (which includes your thoughts about it) and focusing on something else instead. Notice how you feel and how the situation changes as a result.

The following affirmation will help:

I release the need to invest my energy in people, things and situations that don’t serve me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

The art of being yourself – it sounds strange to think that there should be an art to being yourself, but really there is. Because there is so much pressure on us, from all sorts of people and places, for us to be someone or something else.

You may become afraid of making mistakes because of what people will think of you. You may put your wants and desires on hold to please other people.  Perhaps you’ve been led to believe there’s something wrong with you because you are different from the majority of other people – if you’re highly sensitive and/or empathic this is highly likely.

It is no exaggeration to say that I used to have absolutely no confidence and no self-esteem. People were often telling me I was “too sensitive,” or that I thought too much, or that I should behave like others. So much so that I had to shut myself down as I was growing up, because I didn’t fit in with other people’s expectations of me.

I’ve learned a lot and come a long way since then. The most important thing I’ve learned is that not only is it okay to be myself, it’s essential. I can’t be anything or anyone else. And neither can you. You can only be you.

The problem is, when you’ve spent most of your life believing that it’s not okay to be who you really are, you may have lost touch with what that means. I think it’s time to change that. If you think so too, here is a starting point:

Action Step: Make a list of the values that are most important to you, such as: health, freedom, security, wealth, creativity, achievement, family, spirituality, honesty. Once you have a list, identify the top 5 and then ask yourself, on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest) how present each of these is in your life right now.

For example, if freedom is extremely important to you, how much freedom do you feel you have? Do you feel free to be yourself or are you trying to fit in with everyone else?

For anything that’s less than a 10, think about what it would take/what you could do, to increase the number even a little bit.

Use this affirmation:
I am now willing to fully embrace my uniqueness and I release the need to be who others think I should be.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. I’m pleased to announce that registration is now open for my Master Class: The Confident and Liberated HSP: How HSPs Can Thrive Professionally and Personally, Without Compromise. Click the button below for details and registration. My gift to you is $20 off the normal registration price of $47 – use coupon code WEBINAR when you check out.

I want HSPs to feel good about themselves and for high sensitivity to be recognized for what it is - a trait – just like being an introvert or extrovert. It’s time that we stopped holding ourselves back simply because others don’t understand. If you know someone who is an HSP, make sure they attend this master class.

Complain less – we all complain. Even the happiest people complain. Very often we complain without realizing it.

We complain about big things and little things: “it’s too hot,” “it’s too cold,” “there’s too much traffic,” “this person shouldn’t be doing that,” and so on.

Complaining drains energy. Think of what it’s like when you’re around someone who complains a lot. You probably feel drained after being with them.

Certainly we all need to vent every once in a while when things seem to be too much, and I’m not talking about trying to be positive when you feel the opposite, but sometimes we can slip into a habit of complaining, rather than doing something about the issue, or working to become less judgmental.

I think the first step is to notice when you’re complaining or about to complain. I try to catch myself whenever I start complaining (even if it’s just a critical thought) and if I can notice it, I will try to turn the thought around to something more constructive and helpful. Sometimes I don’t notice it until after I’ve done it, but even the noticing is helpful because complaining really doesn’t feel good. Of course, sometimes it’s easier than others!

Each time you find yourself complaining think of what it’s doing to your energy and ask yourself if that’s really where you want your energy to go. Could you change the complaining into action or simply accept the situation and give your mind something else to focus on?

“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

Ask for what you want/need – we often feel disappointed because others don’t behave in the way we want or do things for us that we need. The problem is that most of the time they don’t know what we want because we don’t tell them, we just expect them to know and then become disappointed because they don’t deliver.

If you don’t like the way you’re being treated by someone tell them how you’d like to be treated. If you don’t feel you’re being appreciated, tell people what would make you feel appreciated. If you want help but nobody’s offering – ask for the help you need.

This isn’t to say that you will always get what you want, sometimes you won’t. But when you want or need something yet don’t articulate it, you will almost certainly be disappointed, and this can lead to resentment and anger.
Stop thinking that people should know what you want or that you shouldn’t have to ask – perhaps they don’t know, so simply ask. This simple step will improve your relationships and boost your energy and you’ll feel much happier when you allow people to deliver for you because they know what you want or need.

Release the need to explain – when someone asks you to do something or to go somewhere and you can’t or don’t want to, simply saying “no, that doesn’t work for me” is enough. Or if you decide to do something and others don’t understand why you’re doing it, you don’t need to explain yourself.

When you feel the need to explain or justify why you are doing something or why you can’t do it you are giving your power away. You don’t need to try and make people feel better or understand your decisions.

We do this because we don’t want to upset people or we don’t want them to think badly of us. The truth is, they won’t – or if they do, then these are not people you want to be around anyway.

This week be aware of whenever you find yourself trying to explain yourself and your decisions. See if you can simply say no without the explanations and notice how it feels.

Love yourself – write down 5 things that you love about yourself. Can you do this every day for the rest of the week? Could you do this for a month?

Some people find this extremely challenging – they find it easier to write a list of things they dislike about themselves.

This is an extremely powerful exercise, and the longer you do it, the more powerful it becomes. We all tend to put our focus and attention on what we don’t like about ourselves, try putting your attention on what you love about yourself for a while. See how this transforms you.

Don’t hold it all in – when someone or something has upset you and you feel upset, angry, frustrated or powerless, are you able to articulate how you feel? Do you let someone know when they’ve upset you or do you hold it all in?

If you hold in your feelings, then frustration, resentment and even anger will build up. The only person this affects is you.

If you can’t find a way to tell someone how you feel (in a calm way) because you don’t like conflict or you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, you must find another way to let go of what you’re feeling.

Writing can be a very helpful way to do this. You can write a letter to the person (which you won’t send) explaining exactly what happened and how you feel about it. You can then tear up or burn the letter. Or you can simply write in a journal or notebook about it. This helps you release it.

You could also vent your frustrations to a trusted friend, or coach. Someone who is able to listen and let you get it all out without taking it on themselves or adding to what you already feel – they’re there just to listen and let you talk, and perhaps to ask some guiding questions to help you move beyond  what has happened.

The important thing is that you must release it or the pressure will build and it will impact every aspect of your life. This is important for everyone – and particularly so for those who are highly sensitive.

Transform your ‘what if’s’ – most of our fears come from thoughts of what ‘might’ happen. We often hold ourselves back and let anxiety take over when we let the ‘what if’s’ take over. ‘What if this happens?’ ‘What if this doesn’t happen?’ ‘What if I’m not good/smart enough?’ ‘What if I can’t do it?’ ‘What if I fail?’

I’m sure you’ve had these thoughts running through your mind many times. If you’re not careful they can take over until you find yourself consumed by fear and anxiety.

When the ‘what if’s’ show up, I like to turn them around by playing what I call the ‘what if game.’ It simply means that you turn your what if’s around like this:

What if I couldn’t fail?
What if I have all the skills, energy, talent, ability that I need?
What if people love what I’m doing?
What if it works out exactly as I want it to – or even better?
What if I’m good enough in every way?

You get the idea. When you turn your what if’s around in this way you will feel re-energized. It will help you do the things you are most afraid of doing. What if that’s all you need to do?

Connect with the real you – our lives are so busy with the roles we have to perform: wife, mother, sister, friend, business owner, coach, employee, etc., that these roles become our identity.

The truth is that these roles can change at any moment. Your roles are not who you really are.

Take some time this week to consider who you are without your various roles. Who are YOU really? The real you wants to be recognized and acknowledged. When you do this, you connect with your vitality – your real energy source.

Notice how you become more energized as you contemplate who you really are beyond the roles that you play in life.