Enjoying Solitude… I saw a quote recently that is the inspiration for this week’s tip. The quote is:

“When you follow the crowd you lose yourself, but when you follow your soul you will lose the crowd. Eventually your soul tribe will appear, but do not fear the process of solitude.”

I think it follows on nicely from last week’s tip on ‘starting over.’ It’s so easy to lose yourself when you follow the crowd but I think we often do follow the crowd because we’re afraid of being on our own.

When you do begin to focus on what’s right for you (perhaps by starting over) you do lose the crowd and that can be scary for many people. It does take time but eventually the right people do begin to appear in your life, but you do have to be comfortable with being on your own first I think.

How do you feel about solitude? Often people feel really uncomfortable with it, or when they are alone they feel they have to keep busy and feel guilty if they are not doing something. I have come to enjoy it and look forward to it and no longer feel I have to be busy. I think becoming comfortable with solitude is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It’s a real gift and it really helps you connect with yourself and what’s right for you.

If you live alone or you do spend a lot of time by yourself, are you comfortable with that or do you resent it? Of course it is possible to go too far the other way (particularly for introverts) so that you resist being around people and become isolated. That’s not good either. I think it’s all about how connected you are with yourself and how comfortable you are with who you are.

Action Step: If you are not doing so already, set aside some time (perhaps each week) to be by yourself. Give yourself permission to do nothing, even if it’s just for 10 or 20 minutes. Notice how you feel. If it makes you feel anxious or guilty, explore why that might be.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you:

Spending time alone is a gift I give to myself. I am comfortable being alone with my thoughts.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Starting over… This week I’ve heard from a few people who are completely starting over. They have let go of everything and moved to a completely new place – one has even moved to a new country.

For some people the thought of starting over is terrifying. I’ve done it several times – living in 5 different countries and 3 different States within the U.S., and although it can create anxiety, it can also be a wonderful experience, if you approach it the right way.

There are many benefits to starting over – it’s just like hitting the reset button on your life. You have an opportunity to do things differently if you want. You meet new people and are able to let go of anything you didn’t like about your old life. You are able to see more clearly the things, situations, people and experiences you were holding onto that perhaps were not serving you.

You don’t have to move though to be able to start over.  You can do it any time you want.

Imagine that you are starting over – letting go of everything, moving somewhere new and far away. Now think about what you would want to do differently, where you would want to live, what kind of environment you’d like to be in. What kind of people you’d like to meet. What you’d like to do that you are not doing now.

Considering this can help to bring new clarity and inspire creative ideas and different ways of thinking. It can open you up to new possibilities. Once you know what you’d like to be different, begin to consider how you could bring about that change NOW, without having to move away.

Of course, if you love everything about your life just as it is, then you won’t want to change a thing – it’s always good to be aware of that too!

Action Step: Consider that in 6 months’ time you will be moving somewhere completely new. Take a notebook or journal and write about:

• Where you would like to go
• Where you would like to live
• What you’d like to be doing
• What you would want to take with you
• What you would leave behind
• How you’d like things to be different
• Why making these changes in your life would feel better

Once you have a clear picture you can take some action. Let go of those things you would leave behind, they are not important to you. Begin to let go of situations you’re currently in that don’t serve you. Ask yourself how you might bring about the other changes you identified you would like. Put energy into what life could look like for you if you were starting over.

If you find the idea of starting over terrifying, examine why that is. What are you really afraid of?

This exercise can bring some wonderful awareness to you. It’s up to you then what you do with that new awareness.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

Life supports me always and in all ways. I now choose to live my life in a way that brings me the greatest joy and fulfillment. I deserve the best.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. Starting over is a great opportunity to re-write all or part of your story. Join me and my co-host Lisa Powell as we discuss how to find the strength to re-write your story on an episode of our FB Live Show The Liberated HSP. Click on the button below to go to the video.

When to withdraw energy… Have you ever had one of those days when it seems as though nothing is going right? People seem to be irritated and unreasonable around you for no reason that you can figure out. The more you try to understand, explain or justify yourself the worse it gets?

I had one of those days recently. It started when I showed up for an appointment only to be told they had no record of it – even though I had called the day before to confirm.

I did what I needed to do to sort things (without getting upset) out and rescheduled for another date.

Throughout the day I was aware that some of the interactions I was having with people were a little off. Later in the day I was with a group of people and was bewildered by the fact that some of them just seemed to want to disagree or argue with anything I said or did. I couldn’t understand why and when I voiced this out loud one of the people I was with said “Well you’re a coach aren’t you? You should be able to handle it.” I confess that part of me wanted to take offense at his comment, but then I realized he was right.

There was only one thing I could do in a situation like this. I couldn’t change anyone else’s behavior and I couldn’t understand what was going on, but what I could do was manage my own energy. So I stopped talking. I didn’t do it in an angry or sulky way. I just withdrew my energy. I still participated in what was going on in the most positive way I could, but I kept my energy to myself.

Once I’d done that things calmed down and it ultimately turned out to be an enjoyable and positive evening.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply to withdraw your energy. Stop talking or trying to explain or get people to see your side of things. Stop thinking about it and trying to figure out what’s going on or why people are behaving the way they are. Just focus on yourself and doing whatever you need to do to feel good.

When you withdraw your energy you stop feeding the situation. Where there’s no fuel, it simply dies down or people have to go somewhere else to find the stimulation they need for whatever is going on with them.

Action Step: Is there a situation you’re experiencing – perhaps an ongoing argument with someone, or any situation that won’t seem to resolve no matter how hard you try? Consider withdrawing your energy. Stop trying to fix it or understand it, and just withdraw. You can still take any action that you need to take – you’re not giving up, but you stop trying to get people to see your perspective. See what changes as a result.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I take care of my energy in all situations and it’s okay to withdraw my energy from situations I don’t understand or that don’t feel good.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Understanding differences… Everybody wants to be understood, and I think if we do want to be understood we have to make the effort to also understand others who are different from us.

Take, for example, introverts and extroverts. Introverts are often overlooked by extroverts because they are quiet. The assumption is that they don’t have anything to offer. After all, if they’re not saying anything or participating in a conversation, this could be the logical conclusion.

There’s a quote by Stephen Hawking: “Quiet people have the loudest minds,” that I think sums up what’s going on for introverts. We may be quiet, but there is a LOT going on in our minds. We tend to think a lot, and think deeply. We listen, we process information. It’s rare that an introvert will simply say what’s on their mind, because there’s just so much going on in their mind.

Introverts find it difficult to interrupt, so if there’s a lot of talking going on, with no natural gap and they are not invited to speak, they may not say anything, or they may be drowned out if they do try to speak. I’ve had all of these experiences and it’s sometimes exhausting to try to get a point across with all the other conversation going on.

There can also be a sense, if you’re with a group of people and not saying anything that you may be judging the others in the group, or that you may somehow feel you’re better than them. When I discovered this it was a shock to me because I’m often quiet in groups, which doesn’t mean I’m not participating. I’m usually listening and absorbing what’s going on – the last thing I’m doing is judging others.

But introverts aren’t the only ones who can be misunderstood. I think often introverts see extroverts as being loud, with an inability to listen. They can also be thought of as being needy (needing frequent attention and validation). In their enthusiasm to get their point across their behavior may even be perceived as inconsiderate at best or bullying at worst.

Yet I know many extroverts who are very smart, caring and thoughtful people. I see their ability to communicate with others as a real gift. I admire anyone who can walk up to someone they don’t know and engage in conversation. They tend to be enthusiastic, motivated and usually have high energy. But they also need their downtime and alone time.

I think too the assumption that extroverts aren’t good listeners is not true. If they know you have something to say they will listen, but if you are quiet they will assume you don’t have anything to say.

This is just one example of how differences can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. All of us have something to offer, and wouldn’t it be helpful if we took a little more time to understand each other and embrace the gifts of each trait? And sometimes it’s up to us to do something if we’re feeling misunderstood, rather than simply complaining about it.

Introverts – don’t dismiss extroverts as loud and uncaring, and extroverts – don’t dismiss introverts as having nothing to offer.

Action Step: Think about a situation where you may be feeling misunderstood. What could you do to help change someone’s perception of you? If there’s someone you know who is very different from you and you find it hard to understand their behavior, what could you do in an effort to better understand them?

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I accept myself as I am, I accept others as they are and treat everyone with respect.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. Introverts - watch this short video with 3 strategies that will help you step up and be heard.

Knowing yourself… This quote by Aristotle is one of my favorites: “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

You might think you know yourself very well, until a situation arises that pushes you out of your comfort zone, and you may find yourself responding in ways that you wouldn’t normally.

As many of you know, I love to play tennis, and it’s interesting to observe how people can transform on the tennis court – particularly when they’re not winning or when they’re not playing as well as they want. You’d probably be surprised to see some of the behavior that occurs. People feel a little pressure and any insecurities they feel come out – things they normally keep very well hidden, even from themselves.

I think the more you know yourself energetically and emotionally, the stronger you become and the less threatened you feel by stressful situations or by other people’s behavior. Of course there are several personality tests that can help you understand yourself better, but it’s also helpful to know things like:

• What energizes you, and feels good?
  
• What drains your energy and doesn’t feel good?
• What inspires you?
• What’s most important to you (your values)?
  
• What’s your ‘zone of genius’?
• What is most meaningful to you?
• What pushes your buttons and how do you handle it?

Every stressful situation can tell you something about yourself, and the more you learn, the stronger you feel and the less threatened you are by things you can’t control.

Action Step: Think about the questions above and see what you can learn about yourself from your answers.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

The more I know about myself the stronger and more energized I feel.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Don’t settle… It’s so easy sometimes to be pulled into someone else’s agenda, their way of doing things. And maybe that’s working for you. But when you go along with things that don’t feel right or good to you – then you are settling.

I realized this recently about a particular situation I’ve been experiencing for a while, and I realized that I’d allowed myself to continue with this situation that didn’t feel good at all, because I thought I didn’t really have much choice.

It may seem as though there are no other choices, but if you really think about it I’m sure there are. A different choice may take a bit more effort, but if it means that you’re having a better experience, with people who appreciate you for who you are, rather than who they want you to be, then isn’t it worth it?

When you settle for less than you want or deserve, you’re showing a lack of trust and respect for yourself. That’s the realization I had and I decided I would no longer allow that to happen. If you trust and respect yourself enough, then you won’t settle for anything that doesn’t feel good or for people who don’t treat you well.

Action Step: Think of any situation you’re experiencing that doesn’t feel good.  Recognize that you deserve to feel good and ask yourself: ‘If I trusted and respected myself enough, what would I do differently?” Seek out the people who will support you, and respect you – but first you must trust and respect yourself.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I deserve the best of everything and am no longer willing to settle for anything less. I respect myself and trust myself to find the right way for me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Master your inner voice… We all have that inner voice – the voice in your head that seems to have a running commentary. Is yours supportive or is it critical?

If you’re like most people, it probably tends to be more critical and judgmental, perhaps even harsh – letting you know that you’re not good enough in some way. You can learn to take control of it though, and turn your inner critic into your inner coach. Here are some thoughts on how to do that:

1. Pay Attention
   Is your self-talk supportive or critical? Notice what ‘the voice’ in your head is saying most of the time. It’s helpful to make a note of any specifics. If it’s critical, you’ll notice things like “that was stupid, why did you do that, why do you always do the wrong thing, what’s wrong with you?” If it’s supportive your inner voice might be saying things like “that didn’t work out as I intended, what can I do differently next time? What do I need to know to help me achieve this?”
   
   
2. Identify Any Fears
   If you find that your inner voice is constantly critical or trying to talk you out of something or telling you that you will fail, challenge it by asking yourself what you are really afraid of. It usually comes down to a core belief that you’re not good enough in some way. Or you may be suffering from imposter syndrome – where you are unable to recognize your accomplishments and live in fear of being exposed as a fraud.
   
   
3. Recognize Unrealistic Expectations
   People who are particularly hard on themselves and who have a highly critical inner voice often have unrealistic expectations that they can never possibly meet, meaning that they set themselves up for failure and therefore criticism. Are your expectations for yourself realistic? Would you expect the same of someone else? If you are really honest with yourself, you may find that you would benefit from adjusting your expectations.
   
   
4. Put More Attention on What is Working
   It’s human nature to think more about what isn’t working and what’s going wrong than on what is working and what’s going well. If you find that your voice is highly critical and unsupportive, try gradually making a shift to thinking a little more about what is working than what isn’t. You’ll start to find that there’s a lot more to feel good about than you thought.
   
   
5. Be Gentle With Yourself
   You are your own worst critic. We all are. Notice when you’re being hard on yourself and make a commitment to treating yourself in a more supportive and constructive way.
   

Action Step: Make a commitment to master your inner voice so that it will support you. Pay attention to your self-talk and be your own cheerleader and coach. You deserve it.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I release the need to criticize or judge myself in any way. I allow my inner voice to support me at all times.

Be Unstoppable

Linda

Releasing negative energy… Have you ever noticed that after you’ve been around a certain person or spoken to them your energy has taken a nosedive? Perhaps you even feel sad or angry, when before you were feeling just fine.

If you are highly sensitive and/or an empath this probably happens a lot. It means that you have absorbed the energy of the other person – usually their emotional pain. Some people (known as energy vampires) make a habit of energetically passing on their pain to others. Then they feel better and you feel worse, because you’ve (unknowingly) taken it on for them. Others may simply take on your good energy to help them feel better, leaving you feeling depleted.

When you’re not aware of it, this can become a real problem. It can accumulate, and you may find yourself taking on the energy of several different people, until you no longer know what is yours and what isn’t. It all feels like yours, yet it seems that no matter what you do nothing helps you feel better. It can become all-consuming until you lose sight of your real self under the weight of other people’s energy and emotions.

This used to happen to me a lot until I learned that this could happen and what to do to release this energy when it does. Here are some strategies for releasing this energy:

1. Acknowledge and release – this sounds too easy and it is. It’s very effective though. The first step is to recognize that you may have taken on someone else’s energy (acknowledge) and then state that you choose to release it and send it back to where it came from (release). You don’t have to know where you picked it up from. Just state that you want to release any energy that is not yours, and that is not serving you.
   
   
2. Visualize – if you’re a visual person it can help to visualize yourself disconnecting (unplugging) from this energy, or visualize it leaving your body – whatever visualization works best for you. It can be helpful to combine this with an affirmation or statement that you are choosing to release it and send it back.
   
   
3. Replace – when you let go of something it’s helpful to replace what you’re releasing with something more positive and helpful. I like to state that as I’m releasing this energy I am replacing it with love. You can visualize yourself disconnecting or unplugging from this energy and plugging into something more positive, such as love, success, or happiness.
   
   
4. Use water – take a shower and imagine the water washing away any energy that is not yours. Or take a bath with Epsom Salts and imagine the same thing.
   
   
5. Go outside – take a walk outside, particularly in a forest or near water and release the energy to the positive forces of nature. Imagine yourself feeling more grounded with each step that you take.
   
   
6. Write – writing can be very cathartic. Write out exactly how you feel, state that you want to release it and send it back and affirm that you will no longer allow yourself to take on other people’s energy.
   
   
7. Intention – if this is something that happens frequently, particularly with people you have to interact with on a regular basis, set an intention before you have an interaction with them that you will not allow your energy to be manipulated or taken and that you will not take on their energy or emotions in any way.

If you’re a ‘helper’ type personality you may find this particularly difficult. As helpers we often believe that we can help someone else by taking on their pain. This doesn’t help them and it certainly doesn’t help you. In fact, you help them more by not taking it on.

Action Step: Start to become aware of whenever you’re taking on other people’s energy. Practice these strategies and take your power back. Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by other people’s energy.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I release any energy that isn’t mine or that doesn’t support me. I return it to where it came from and replace it with love.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

How balanced is your energy? We often hear about energy balance in terms of diet and exercise – focusing on how many calories you take in verses how many calories you burn each day. This is your physical energy. I also like to think of energy balance in terms of mental, emotional and spiritual energy.

When you feel tired and drained it’s often because you are spending lots of mental, emotional and/or spiritual energy, but not replenishing it. We all know that if you don’t take in enough calories, then you won’t have enough physical energy to do what you want to do, and it’s the same with all aspects of your energy. All areas need attention.

Mental energy – for someone who has a tendency to be thinking all the time (like me), it’s important to find ways to relax your mind, to give your brain a break. Meditation is great, but you may find it difficult. If so, perhaps you could try guided meditation, or perhaps something else like walking or playing music would be the best way for you to relax your mind.

Emotional energy – if you’re a caregiver, a ‘helper’ personality, a highly sensitive person, and/or an empath, chances are you feel emotions very deeply. You may feel responsible for the happiness and well-being of others. You may even take on other people’s pain. This will eventually become too much. You must find ways to work through and release any negative emotions that you feel, and find things to feel good about. Writing or journaling are excellent ways, also making sure you have someone to talk to with whom you can share what you’re feeling without being judged is really helpful.

Spiritual energy – this can mean many things to people. What does it mean to you? I see it as a feeling of connection. How you feel about yourself, your connection with others and your place in the world. When you feel separation, and are unhappy with yourself and your life, then it’s time to focus on inner work. Learning to feel good about yourself and not allowing yourself to be negatively influenced or impacted by other people or situations.

To have balanced energy means paying attention to all of these things. Perhaps there’s one you want to focus on more right now, but they are all important.

Action Step: Rate your level of energy balance on a scale of 1-10. If it’s less than 10, ask yourself what you can do to move it up even one point. Make it a priority to address all 4 aspects of your energy.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I give myself permission to thrive. I take the time to ensure that all aspects of my energy are vibrant and balanced.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Losing yourself… Have you ever found yourself hating something that you used to love? A conversation I had this week brought up this question and I thought I’d write about it because it happens often.

What tends to happen is that you begin doing something because you love it. You bring your own unique creativity to it and it’s enjoyable. But after some time you find that you’re not enjoying it any more. It’s become a chore – but something makes you feel that you have to continue doing it. Perhaps eventually you come to hate it so much that you have to walk away.

What happened? I think what often happens is that for a variety of reasons (such as other people’s expectations, the need to make money, or traditional beliefs about the way it ‘should’ be done) you can end up losing sight of what you loved about it in the beginning.

It’s like building a box around yourself by feeling you have to conform to expectations. This can lead to hating something that you initially loved because you’ve lost that uniqueness you brought to it in the beginning.

It’s so easy to get pulled into what others say you should do. It’s so easy to be influenced by others, comparing yourself to others and finding yourself wanting. This is how you lose yourself.

I have found this is particularly true for those who are highly sensitive because HSP’s tend to approach things in a different way from most other people and what makes sense and feels good to them may not feel right to others.

What if you didn’t have to conform? What if your uniqueness is exactly what’s needed? Other people may tell you that you can’t do something in the way that feels right to you, but how can they know? Instead of assuming they must be right consider trusting yourself and re-connecting with what feels right to you.

Action Step: If you’ve lost all sense of enjoyment with something that you used to love, and you feel you’ve lost some important aspect of who you really are, ask yourself why you wanted to do it in the beginning. See if you can reconnect with what drew you to it and why it felt good to you at first. Once you’ve re-connected, ask yourself what changes you might make now to ensure you maintain that connection and not allow yourself to be pulled into other people’s expectations.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I give myself permission to re-connect with what feels right for me and to do things my way. I release the need to lose myself in other people’s expectations.

Be Unstoppable!