Lynn Whitbeck is the founder of Petite2Queen and is known as the Queen of Sales. 

Business Owners hire Lynn to ignite winning sales teams, because most are chasing down clients, stuck in a chaotic sales cycle, and lacking client retention, conversions, and profits. So, she helps transform thinking to the client’s perspective, end sales chaos with a robust strategic plan to harvest the hidden profits. Bottomline, Lynn will ignite your sales and unleash lasting profits.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Lynn for my Inspiring Conversations Livestream series and this is a summary of our conversation.

Lynn has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to the art of sales, and although it will benefit any business owner, our conversation is particularly focused on women who are in sales.

Here are a few key take-aways from our discussion. Watch the full interview to hear more from Lynn:

• Sales professionals are there to serve and guide and provide that solution. 
• It’s not sales, it’s a partnership.
• Start with the client:
  • What is the client thinking?
  • What do they want, need or lack?
  • Why does that matter to them?
  • How’s it going to benefit them?
  • What’s the problem it’s going to allow them to solve?
  • What is your solution going to enable them to do (outcome)?
  • What does that future look like, so they can…..?
  • How does what I do fit what they want, need or lack?
  • How do I address the problem or concern, and provide them with the solution?
• Re-frame what you do and how you do it into your client’s language.
  
  
• If they are not a good fit for you, perhaps they could become a referral partner, someone who would promote you and your service, or even a friend.
• It’s not about you, it’s about your client.
• Sales is easier for most women to do because we are socialized to be givers and supporters, and to be helpful.
• Spend time learning about your client, what matters to them and what they want to achieve/accomplish.
• Spending time building the relationship with a potential client makes it easier for them to make the decision to work with you.
• The most important investment someone can make is figuring out their sales strategy.
• The 4 foundational pillars of sales:
  • Think like your client
  • Know your client avatar/market
  • Create an excellent client journey
  • Focus on building a relationship
    
    
• The principles of sales are: building rapport, and value of relationship
  
  
• Referrals:
  
  • A warm referral is a personal, or direct introduction
  • If you treat your clients right they will be waiting for you to ask them for a referral
    
  • Make it easy for them to refer people to you
  • Plan for referrals in your sales process and in your relationships
    
    
• There is great value in regular client reviews to stay in touch and be available to help them with their future needs.
  
• Always make it easy for people to connect with you
• After a networking event, NEVER bombard people you’ve just met with information on what you do and ask them to schedule a meeting with you.
  
  

You can learn more and connect with Lynn using the following links:

Website: https://petite2queen.com 
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/petite2queen/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/petite2queen/
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/petite2queen/
YouTube: http://p2q.link/youtube
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynnwhitbeck

The beliefs and conditioning that we have are what drive us. They determine how we think and feel, and what we say and do.

A limiting belief is a state of mind, or conviction, that you think is true that limits you in some way. It’s what keeps you inside your comfort zone and will keep you stuck.

When someone has the deep-seated belief that they are unlovable or they don’t deserve love, they will be extremely hard on themselves, and they will attract people who treat them badly.

Someone who has the core belief that they are not good enough is often a perfectionist, believing that the only way to be good enough is to do everything absolutely perfectly. Whenever they fail, to them it will simply be evidence that they really are not good enough. I am very familiar with this one as it used to be me!

We all have beliefs, of course, the important thing is to know when you have beliefs that limit you.

This Forbes article explains how limiting beliefs are “just stories we make up in our head by attaching made-up meanings to events. And they cost us dearly all our lives.”

Fortunately, any belief can be changed with a little inner work. Here are 10 strategies that will help you do that:

1. Increase self-awareness
   The Greek philosopher Aristotle said “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” In order to bring about any change you must first be willing to learn more about yourself – what you think, how you feel, what you say, and what drives the actions that you take.
   
   Self-awareness is key, because you can’t change something if you’re not aware of it, and that’s how limiting beliefs continue to affect us, because we’re not usually aware of them.
   
   
2. Become an observer
   Pay attention to what’s happening and try to observe it without judging. Simply notice what’s going on, as if you were observing it happening to somebody else. For example, you may notice that you seem to meet a lot of people who are angry, or who are untrustworthy. Be aware of the experiences you have - particularly the ones you don’t like. Every experience you have, and your response to it, will tell you something about yourself.
   
   
3. Notice your thoughts and feelings
   Your emotions and thoughts can be the keys to transformation. You may wonder why certain things keep happening or why you can’t accomplish certain things, and becoming aware of what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling can lead you to identify the deeply held and deeply hidden beliefs that are driving you. Once you become aware of them, then you can change them.
   
   
4. Look for patterns
   Patterns are wonderful clues to help you identify what your unconscious beliefs are. If you keep experiencing the same things over and over there’s a hidden belief at work. For example, if you keep attracting abusive relationship partners, it’s likely you have a belief that you’re not good enough, not lovable, and that’s what you deserve. If you continue to struggle financially, and just when you think you’re making progress, something happens to pull you back, you may have a belief that says you can’t be wealthy, or that people who have money are dishonest, or some other belief along those lines.
   
   
5. Translate what’s showing up
   If you want one thing, but the opposite is showing up, see if you can identify the reason. For example, if you are looking for a job but consistently get rejected, perhaps your beliefs are along the lines of “I’m not good enough,” “nobody will want to hire me,” or “life is difficult and I always struggle.” Or perhaps it’s time for you to re-think your career path and try something new. Or perhaps the type of job you’re pursuing is not what you really want to be doing at all. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation.
   
   
6. See other people as mirrors
   The people in your life are reflecting back to you something you need to know about yourself and this can give you wonderful clues about yourself and your unconscious beliefs. For example, if you find that you constantly attract people who are selfish and self-absorbed, perhaps they are showing you that it’s time you focused on yourself a little bit more and put your needs first instead of everyone else’s.
   
   
7. Ask questions
   Instead of letting your thoughts go round and round about how terrible your situation is or how difficult things are, ask questions, such as: “What is this situation teaching me about myself?” “What do I need to know in order to move forward?” “How can I move past this and start going in the direction that I want?” This is a wonderful way to change your thoughts so that they are productive instead of destructive.
   
   
8. Be willing to learn and change
   The more you are willing to learn about yourself and change your thinking, the faster your progress will be. Whenever you find yourself in a situation you don’t like, be willing to look at yourself, rather than complaining about the situation. Learning about and changing yourself is the fastest way to make progress.
   
   
9. Develop the art of re-framing
   When your mind goes into a state of negative thinking based on what results are showing up for you, see if you can re-frame your thinking, along the lines of: “What if this turns out better than I thought?” “What if I didn’t get this job because there is something better waiting for me?” “What if I have everything I need to accomplish what I want and all I have to do is relax?”
   
   
10. Be willing to see yourself differently
    We can get very stuck in seeing ourselves and our lives in a certain way based on our beliefs about ourselves and what’s happening. Be willing to see things differently, try a different approach, and visualize yourself accomplishing what you want. Start seeing yourself differently and you’ll start to behave differently. Let go of the old story of how things have been or always are, and focus on creating a new one.

When you apply these strategies you’ll be empowered to know that there is nothing that can stop you or hold you back. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past or what you have believed about yourself and what you’re capable of. You can turn things around and use any negative or unhelpful experiences or beliefs to your advantage – so they work FOR you, rather than against you.

Just in case you think this might not be possible for you, that’s what most people think at first. I hope these comments from clients I’ve worked with will change your mind:

This is what happens when you begin to identify those limiting beliefs and turn them around.

Because it’s not always easy to do this by yourself I’ve created a membership program and community to help you. It’s called Know, Accept and BE Yourself. In this self-paced program I’ll walk you through everything you need to know to be the person you want to be so you can live the life you were meant to live.

It can be very difficult to stop taking things personally, but it is essential for your overall success, health and well-being. This video shares steps you can take that will help.

Where and how are you giving your energy away? You may not realize that it’s happening, yet every time you let someone else make decisions for you, every time you don’t trust yourself, every time you allow yourself to be manipulated or treated badly, every time you hold yourself back and every time you don’t honor what you’re really feeling, you are giving your energy and therefore your power away.

When you stop and think about it, you may find that it happens more often than you realize. I think most of us do it – and some of us more than others.

When you make the effort to become more aware of when you might be giving your power away, then you can consciously start to reclaim it – by deciding to change your thoughts and actions. You will start trusting yourself more and in doing so, you will reclaim your energy and your power.

This article shares 10 tips  to help you stop giving your power away.

In what ways do you give your power away? You might think that you don’t, but there are many ways in which we do give our power away. For example:

• Every time you look for someone else’s approval
• Whenever you say no when you mean yes or yes when you mean no
• When someone else has the ability to upset you
• When you look for someone else to give you all the answers
• If you find yourself trying to prove yourself to others
• When you tolerate toxic relationships
• When you hold back for fear of upsetting someone
• When you don’t believe in or accept yourself

There are many more ways, but I’m sure you get the idea. Learn to recognize whenever you’re giving your power away and make the decision to reclaim it today. Here’s how:

Release the need for approval
When you constantly look for someone else’s approval the chances are you will spend a lot of time feeling disappointed. Take your power back by giving yourself the approval you’re looking for.

Needing someone else’s approval means you don’t really trust yourself. The only approval you really need is your own.

Say what you mean
Do you find yourself saying no when you mean yes or yes when you mean no because you don’t want to disappoint or upset somebody else? Become aware of when you do this and practice saying what you really want to say. You’ll find that people generally are not nearly as upset or disappointed as you think they will be.

It may be difficult at first to break the habit, but it does become easier the more you do it. You’ll be happier, and so will everyone around you because, believe it or not, people prefer it if you are honest about your wants and needs.

Don’t take on other people’s drama
Sometimes when other people feel frightened, overwhelmed or frustrated because things are not going well for them, rather than taking responsibility for their own situation they try to pass it on to someone else or pull someone else into their drama. Learn to recognize when this is happening and make the decision to not take it on.

This is not being cruel or heartless. You can offer help and advice if you’re asked for it, but you cannot fix someone else’s problems. You won’t help them if you do, and you will only experience pain and frustration.

For example, you may know someone who tends to share all their problems with you or complain a lot to you and after your interaction with them you’re left feeling upset or depleted. This means you’ve taken on their problems. They may even seek you out because they temporarily feel better after ‘dumping’ on you. This is not healthy for either of you.

Don’t rely on others to tell you what to do
When you look outside yourself for answers you are giving your power away. You can seek advice and learn as much as you can from others, but don’t rely on someone else to tell you what to do. Be informed and make your own decisions.

You must learn to feel when something is right for you. Then make sure you do what’s right for you. If you go along with what others tell you when it doesn’t feel right, then you’re giving your power and your energy away and it never feels good.

Nobody else can know what is right for you. So often other people want to tell you what to think, feel or do, or they will tell you that you shouldn’t think or feel the way you do, or that the way you’re doing something is wrong. Learn what works for you and don’t let others tell you what you should think or how you should feel.

Stop trying to prove or justify yourself
When you feel the need to prove your worth or ability to others you diminish yourself. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody. You also don’t need to justify why you want to do something.

When you feel the need to explain or justify why you are doing something or why you can’t do it you are giving your power away. You don’t need to try and make people feel better or understand your decisions.

I’ve noticed how people do this even with something as simple as receiving a compliment. You tell someone their hair looks nice and they tell you how it’s shorter than they really wanted, and it’s not quite the right style, and they went to a different hairdresser this time and it’s not really what they wanted, etc., etc., when all that’s needed is a simple “thank you.”

Let toxic people go
Nobody should have to put up with negativity or being treated badly. If you have toxic relationships in your life, you should let them go wherever you can. Toxic people usually want to have some control over you.

Some people are so unhappy in their own lives that they will try to project some of their unhappiness, anger, and any other toxic energy onto you. Don’t let them.

When someone does this and you (knowingly or unknowingly) allow it, you end up taking on that energy, which temporarily helps them feel better, but makes you feel terrible. It can last for hours, days, weeks or even months.

Your job is to recognize that whatever is going on for them is their issue and has nothing to do with you. Stay calm and centered in your own energy and you won’t be triggered by anything they say or do.

Even better, spend as little time around them as possible, or release them from your life. You want to surround yourself with supportive, and uplifting people, rather than those who will bring you down.

Don’t hold back
Do you hold yourself back for fear of upsetting or outshining someone? Whenever you hold back in this way you give that person control over you, whether they want you to or not. If someone in your life can’t handle the ‘real’ you, then that’s their issue, not yours.

By being yourself and working towards your full potential, you might actually inspire others to do the same. Don’t hold yourself back out of fear of what others think of you.

This happens with those who are closest to us. We are afraid that if we become too successful it may have a negative impact on our relationships.

What if the opposite is true? What if your relationships could actually improve? And if there’s someone who resents your success, consider that is someone you don’t need to have in your life.

Stop blaming
When something happens that you don’t like or want, it’s a natural reaction to want to blame someone. But when you place blame onto others or even yourself, you are giving your power away.

Blaming other people for your problems suggests that others have the power to make you feel or do something you don’t like. Really, nobody can make you feel or do anything unless you allow it.

Blaming and criticizing yourself weakens you and is counter-productive. You can take responsibility for your situation without blaming yourself or anyone else. You can acknowledge what is happening and be open to solutions – but only when you release the need to blame.

Take 100% responsibility for every aspect of your life and decide what actions you can take to change any situation you don’t like – there is no need for blame.

Stop making excuses
We all do it – finding reasons why we can’t do something we’d really like to do, or why something won’t work. If you really want to do something, find a way to do it, and don’t make excuses for why you can’t.

Making excuses makes you feel powerless. Just try something and see what works. Most of the time excuses are simply a way of avoiding the fear you have of doing something different, the fear of failure, or even of success.

If you really want to do something, you will always find a way.

Respond instead of React
Have you ever had a strong reaction to something and then later regretted how you reacted? You were being triggered by something outside yourself and you had a reaction.

Instead, when you respond, you acknowledge that you have the power to choose what you want to do. So when you find yourself reacting to someone or something, take a breath and a pause, and think about how you could respond instead.

We’re usually so busy that we don’t take a moment before we act. Imagine somebody says something that upsets you and you immediately react in anger. What was said may or may not have been intended to upset you, but your angry reaction will only make you feel worse, and may make the situation worse.

Imagine now if you were to pause for a moment before responding. You might calmly tell the person you don’t appreciate what they said or did, or your choice may be to not respond at all, but to walk away. You can make the decision whether you choose to be angry or not, whether or not you want to invest your energy that way.

That doesn’t mean you ignore your anger. Instead, you can take the time to think about what the person said or did that triggered the anger and what it really means. You’ll have the opportunity to learn something about yourself and let go of the anger that has been triggered.

Next time you find yourself about to react strongly to something, see if you can pause and take a deep breath or two before you do anything. Notice whether that allows you to feel more in control.

There are so many ways, both large and small, that you can be giving your power away. Each time you do this it’s a betrayal of yourself. All it takes is a little awareness and the decision that you want to reclaim your power.

Start today and you’ll begin to feel more energized and focused, and everyone will benefit.

Learn how to reconnect with yourself, gain clarity, develop self-awareness and feel happier with the Know, Accept and Be Yourself Program.

What happens when change comes into your life and it’s not what you want or were expecting? How do you handle change when you wish it wasn’t happening?

There are really two options, you can resist the change and fight against it, which creates stress, anxiety, frustration and a sense of powerlessness.

The second option is to embrace the change and move forward, even if it’s not what you want, to open yourself up to new possibilities.

How can you learn to effectively cope with and even embrace the unexpected changes that you’re faced with?

In this article I’ll share 10 of the strategies that I’ve found to be helpful when it comes to coping with and learning to embrace change.

I’m someone who used to be afraid of change. I resisted the unfamiliar and didn’t like being pulled in unplanned directions. That’s not who I am now. If I’m afraid of anything now it would be of standing still and staying stuck, rather than dealing with the changes that arise.

Coping with change isn’t always easy, but I’ve learned to embrace it because I know that change is the only way to learn, grow and become a better version of myself.

Life becomes better and more fulfilling when you do embrace change, and these strategies will help:

• Step 1: Accept the situation
  People often make the mistake of thinking that accepting something means giving in and doing nothing. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Accepting does not mean doing nothing. If you don’t accept what’s happening you’ll be in resistance. Resisting what’s happening is what causes the most pain, stress, and worry.
  
  You may be resisting the change because it’s not what you want and you think it shouldn’t be happening. But it is happening. Accept the situation, even if it doesn’t feel good. It is what it is.
  
  The situation cannot change until you do accept it. You can say “this is happening and I don’t like it,” that’s fine. You are still acknowledging that it is, in fact, happening.
  
  Perhaps you don’t like the word acceptance - in which case, choose another word that feels better. Perhaps ‘acknowledge the situation’ would work better for you.
  
  
• Step 2: Be aware of ‘the voice’
  How do you accept a situation when it’s not what you want? You can start by noticing the voice in your head when it complains and resists. It’s important to acknowledge it and recognize that you can choose to let the voice take over or you can choose to focus on what you can do and what can be positive about the situation, rather than on what you can’t do and what you don’t like about it.
  
  The voice will pop up from time to time. It’s always your choice whether to follow it or not and sometimes it’s easier than others.
  
  It’s not about ignoring it, or trying to force yourself to be positive. Rather, you acknowledge the thoughts, and acknowledge that you’re afraid, worried, sad, etc., and then choose to look for thoughts that are more constructive and supportive, instead of letting that voice take over.
  
  
• Step 3: Acknowledge how you feel
  Just as you must acknowledge your thoughts and ‘the voice’ in your head, it’s also important to acknowledge how you feel. It’s no good trying to put a positive spin on it and pretend that you feel great about it. Be honest about the fact that you’d rather this wasn’t happening at this particular time. Acknowledge that you don’t know what to do.
  
  All you can do is notice when any discomfort arises and recognize what it is that you’re feeling (stress, anxiety, worry, etc.) Notice where you feel it in your body and put your attention on it. When you recognize it and allow yourself to feel it, then eventually it passes. If you try to ignore what you’re feeling, you’ll feel a lot worse and it will affect your ability to find clarity and solutions.
  

• Step 4: Know what you want – intention
  Rather than focusing exclusively on what you don’t want (this situation/change), put more energy into what you do want.
  
  You get more of what you put your energy and thoughts towards. So if you only focus on the fact that ‘this shouldn’t be happening,’ or ‘this isn’t fair,’ you’ll stay stuck much longer and feel worse.
  
  Instead, think about what you DO want. What would be an acceptable or more positive outcome. How do you want to feel? What experience would you rather have? Put some energy into those thoughts and you’ll move yourself in a better direction.
  
  
• Step 5: Detach
  This is the step that is often the most difficult. Once you set your intention and, perhaps you have an idea of what you can do to get there, you have to detach from the outcome and from how it happens.
  
  Why? The more attached you are to the outcome, the more you can block yourself energetically from receiving it. If you’re too attached you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you don’t get exactly what you want in the way that you want it.
  
  Detaching from the outcome allows for the possibility that things can work out even better than you had imagined.
  

• Step 6: Take inspired action
  Most of us feel best when we’re doing something. If you’re not taking action of some kind then the voice in your head wants to tell you about all the things that you ‘could’ and ‘should’ be doing. However, running around just doing things for the sake of doing things is exhausting and doesn’t get you anywhere. It’s also more likely to block you from getting what you want, because you can be so busy doing that you miss an opportunity.
  
  When you are acknowledging your situation, and your mind is calm and focused on what you want, that’s when clarity can come to you about what steps you can take. It’s much better to take calm, focused, inspired action than to run around doing things just because you think you should.
  
  
• Step 7: Monitor your energy
  As you go through a process of change like this, particularly when it’s something you hadn’t planned, you’ll find that you have periods when you feel really positive and inspired and your energy feels great. There also may be times when you feel overwhelmed, when it all feels difficult and you can’t see how you can possibly have a positive outcome.
  
  The most important thing is to notice when your energy gets low, and when you feel worried, anxious or overwhelmed. Notice it, and see if you can discover what’s really behind it. Allow yourself to feel it and then when you’re ready you can let it go.
  
  
• Step 8: Stay away from negative people
  This can be hard because sometimes the negative people are those who are closest to us. They may not mean to be unhelpful or negative, but they want to tell you of their experience or the experience of someone they know, or they want to tell you what you ‘should’ be doing or how your way isn’t the right way, or how you should be feeling.
  
  You must trust yourself. You are the only one who knows what is right for you. Yes, you can ask for help and you can ask for input from others, but ultimately you are the only one who can decide what is right for you. Trust yourself.
  

• Step 9: Know that a breakthrough is near
  If you look back at your life, you’ll realize that your biggest breakthroughs came as a result of difficult change. The more uncomfortable you feel, and the more difficult the situation feels, the bigger the breakthrough will be.
  
  Remind yourself that what you are experiencing is temporary. This will not last forever. Tell yourself that you are willing to move on and work on staying as calm and focused as possible. The more you can do this, the sooner the breakthroughs will come.
  
  
• Step 10: Accept that change is inevitable
  If there’s one thing you can be certain of in life, it’s that things can and will change. Things never stay the same. Life is always moving and changing. You can either embrace change and actively seek it, or you can resist it and try to fight a losing battle. It’s your choice.
  

We all have to deal with change, and often that change is uncomfortable. If you can remind yourself that growth happens outside your comfort zone and remember that it is a natural part of life, you’ll have a much easier time.

Remember that resistance to change is what causes the most stress and anxiety. Resistance is what makes you feel that change is unbearable.

Don’t give your power away to situations or to other people. These strategies will empower you to take control of your own experience.

If you’re finding it difficult to cope with change and would like to gain inspiration and support to help you move forward, join me for one of my weekly online Value Me Round-table Discussions. It’s free to attend, but registration is required.

In this video I'm joined by Career Confidence and Leadership Coach, Lily Woi, as we discuss the importance of discovering who you really are and sharing that with the world.

We answer these important questions:

• How/why don’t we share our real selves with the world?
• Why does it take courage to do so?
• What are the consequences when you don’t?
• What happens when you do?
• How to get started?
• How does it feel like to share your real self with the world?
• What are some of the positive/negative reactions you might encounter?

After you've watched the video, join us for our round-table discussion on Wednesday, August 18th at 11am Pacific/2pm Eastern/7pm BST to let your voice be heard.

It's free to join - just click on the button below to register.

I was brought up to believe that I had to be helpful, nice and polite. There’s nothing wrong with this, except what I wasn’t taught is that some people will abuse that. I didn’t know then that you could be helpful and nice without allowing people to manipulate you or pull you into their dramas.

I have since learned that if you want someone to respect you and treat you well, you have to be able to set boundaries. Just because someone wants or expects you to do something or be a certain way, that doesn’t mean you have to do it - and you need to be able to make it clear to people that’s not okay, and you can do that in a positive way.

Over the years I’ve learned a lot about the need for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, and I’ve been able to help many clients benefit from the setting of boundaries. It’s healthy, a sign of respect for yourself, and it actually improves all relationships.

In this article I’ll share 10 of the strategies that I’ve found to be important, and helpful when it comes to setting and maintaining boundaries.

Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships and being able to live a healthy life. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill that can be learned, and needs to be learned. These strategies will help.

• Know what you want
  It’s impossible to set good boundaries if you don’t know what’s important to you. Knowing what you want and knowing your values are critical. A good place to start is by knowing what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. Those feelings help you identify what your limits are.
  
  For instance, if being on time is particularly important to you and you notice that you feel resentful if someone is habitually late or wastes your time, then you’ll want to think of what boundaries you can set with those who tend to waste your time.
  
  As an example, this is something that’s important to me, so whenever I facilitate an event, I always let people know that I will start and end on time - out of respect for their time and mine. If someone arrives late, that’s not a problem, but I will not hold everything up to wait.
  
  
• Take responsibility for yourself
  So often we expect others, particularly those who are closest to us, to know what we need. You may be very intuitive and have a good sense of what others need, but don’t expect others to reciprocate and know what’s important to you and to know what you need.
  
  If you assume people know and it should be obvious to them, you will frequently be disappointed. They don’t know, so it’s up to you to tell them. I have found that people appreciate this because they don’t want to have to guess and feel your frustration or resentment if they get it wrong.
  
  
• Pay attention to how you feel
  Your feelings are messages and can tell you when something is happening that is not acceptable to you. When a boundary is crossed, you feel discomfort and resentment.
  
  Ask yourself what it is about what’s happening that’s bothering you. Resentment, for example, usually comes from feeling that you’re being taken advantage of or not appreciated. Or perhaps someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values onto you.
  
  Once you identify how you feel and what’s causing it, then you can ask yourself what you’d like to see happen instead. What would have to change in order for you to feel better?
  

• Respect yourself
  If you are feeling disrespected or unappreciated by others, you must look to see whether you are respecting and appreciating yourself.
  
  Other people will not respect you until you respect yourself. Setting boundaries is a sign that you do respect yourself and others will treat you more respectfully too.
  
  People tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, and the way we teach them. If you habitually let someone take advantage of you or mistreat you, they will continue to do so - until you decide that you respect yourself enough to not allow it anymore.
  
  
• Be firm and direct
  Once you’ve decided what’s important to you and what boundary you want to set, you must let people know about it. You don’t have to be aggressive about it, you can state it simply in a clear and assertive way.
  
  People are often afraid of how people will react when they begin to set boundaries, and it is possible that some people will not be happy about it at first, particularly if they are used to you always doing whatever they want.
  
  You cannot control how someone will respond, just know that you are not responsible for how someone reacts, you just have to do what is right for you.
  

• Give yourself permission
  It’s okay for you to want what you want. It’s okay for you to ask for other people to respect that.
  
  You may find it difficult to set boundaries because you’re afraid of the other person’s response, you’re afraid of upsetting them or how they’ll react. All you can do is deliver your message in a positive way. You cannot control how someone else will respond.
  
  You can start with small things, and you’ll find that the more you do it, the easier it gets. Sometimes it’s all about giving yourself permission to start.
  
  
• Learn to say ‘no’
  If you are a people-pleaser,  you will often put yourself at a disadvantage by trying to accommodate everyone. You don't want to be selfish, so you put your personal needs on the back burner and agree to do things that may not be beneficial to your well-being.
  
  Keep in mind that you are not helping anyone, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense.
  
  I used to be afraid to say no to people, but when I started to do it, and realized that I could do it in a positive but firm way, such as by saying something like: “that doesn’t work for me,” or “I have other commitments right now,” I was surprised at how little reaction there was. People just say “ok,” and that is that.
  
  You don’t need to explain or justify why you’re saying no - you just have to learn how to say it (and mean it). I know that whenever I have said ‘no’ to someone and then I let them talk me into doing it anyway I have always ended up regretting it.
  
  
• Trust yourself
  You are the only authority on you. You know yourself best. Only you know what you need, want, and value. Don't let anyone else make those decisions for you.
  
  Healthy boundaries make it possible for you to trust and respect your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others.
  
  Often other people may want to tell you how you should feel, what you should think or do, and you have the opportunity to let them control you or not. When you defer to what others think you should do, rather than trusting yourself you lose yourself and give your power away.
  
  Pay attention to how you feel, and to what feels right for you and learn to trust that.
  
  
• Make self-care a priority
  Putting yourself first gives you more energy, peace of mind and a more positive outlook, so that you can be more present with others and be there for them. Self-care is something that not only benefits you, it benefits everybody around you and so it will improve your relationships.  
  
  When you make self-care a priority, setting boundaries becomes much easier. You’ll want to do it because it feels like the best and right thing to do.
  

• Get the support you need
  Setting boundaries takes courage, and practice and you will benefit from allowing yourself to receive support.
  
  When you’re having a difficult time, don’t be afraid to talk it through with somebody who will understand and offer support.  Somebody else may have been through a similar situation and may have some good advice.
  

Boundaries are natural and they are important. We all need to have them. They help you have healthier relationships, they help you take care of yourself and respect yourself, as well as others.

The steps outlined in this article will help you set boundaries so that you value yourself more and as a result you’ll have more positive experiences and relationships.

Make a commitment to take the steps you need to set and keep personal boundaries.

If you’d like to gain inspiration and support for setting healthy boundaries and learning to value yourself more, join me for one of my weekly online Value Me roundtable discussions. It’s free to attend, but registration is required.

The pandemic has forced most of us to spend more time at home, and many are even working from home. For some this has been a positive experience, and for others it’s been very difficult.

One major reason it can be challenging is when your home becomes cluttered. If it wasn’t an issue for you before, it may be now that you’ve been spending more time at home, and if clutter was an issue for you before, it may have become worse.

Once clutter begins to take hold, it can be very difficult to get it under control and it easily becomes overwhelming, causing you to feel stressed.

In order to really master clutter, it’s important to understand that it’s not just about the ‘stuff,’ there’s a lot more to it. When you look at it energetically, it becomes easier to master.

In this article I’ll share what clutter is, how it affects you, and I’ll share some strategies for regaining control.

Many professional women spend so much time working, and taking care of the family that there isn’t enough time left to take care of the home in the way they’d like. Before they know it, one or more areas of their home have become overwhelmed with clutter. They try to keep on top of it, but there are so many other things to do that they reach the point where it gets out of hand.

It can be quite a dilemma because you don’t have the time, energy or motivation to be able to deal with it. Follow these tips to help you regain control:


Understand what clutter you have: we don’t always recognize what clutter is. It’s so much more than piles of stuff. Here are some examples:

• Anything you don’t need, use, want or love
  
• Things you do want and use that are untidy or disorganized
• Too many things for the size of the space
• Anything that is broken or unfinished
• Things that you’re holding onto “just in case”
• Things that you don’t really want but are holding onto out of guilt (such as an unwanted gift from a close family member, or things that belonged to a loved one who has passed away)

Understanding what type of clutter you have is the first step to eliminating it for good.

Know how your clutter affects you: Something that people don’t often realize is that everything has energy, including your stuff. This means that it is connected to you energetically, which is why it can cause you to feel more and more tired and lethargic and unable to deal with it. Clutter affects your overall health and well-being in many ways.

Things that hold negative memories and associations for you continue to affect you deeply when you have them in your home. The more you have, where it’s located and the longer it’s been there can all add to the stress. Clutter can keep you stuck in the past and create confusion and disorganization in your life.

Understanding your clutter helps you to see why it becomes so overwhelming. You have memories and associations tied up in everything you own. You are connected to it emotionally and energetically. This can make it very difficult to let go of things, even if you don’t need, use, want or love them or if they evoke negative memories. They keep you stuck.

Everything is energy, and when you have a better understanding of the effects that your possessions have on you, it can give you the motivation that you need to take control.

Here’s an example - let’s say you go on vacation and you bring back a memento from that trip, every time you see it then it will remind you of what a great time you had. It will bring back memories of the trip, where you went, who you were with, what you did, and how you felt. This will move your energy to a high vibration.

Now, think of something you have in your home that reminds you of a difficult time in your life. Perhaps of someone who treated you badly, or a time of struggle. Every time you see that item it will trigger those memories and move your energy to a lower vibration.

When you think of it like that, what would you rather be surrounded by – things that have good associations or negative ones?

As you look around at the things you are keeping, consider that the more ‘unhappy’ things you have and the longer you have been keeping them, that is lowering your energy vibration on a daily basis.

Why We Accumulate Clutter

There are many reasons why we hold onto things that we really don’t need, use, want or love, such as:

• Just in case – you might need it someday
  
• Holding on to the past - how things used to be and how you used to be
• It was expensive
• You’d feel guilty letting it go
• You used to love it and use it
• You intend to do something with it, but haven’t been able to get around to it yet (how long has it been?)
• It’s hidden away, so you don’t see it and forget you have it

As with everything, awareness is key. Once you become aware of the energy of things, the memories, associations and emotions that are tied up with them, and how those things affect your energy, it’s difficult to ignore the situation.

Change is happening constantly. People and situations come into our lives and move out. There is an ebb and flow to life – and so there should be with our ‘stuff’ as well.

There are times when things are useful and times when they’re not and it’s essential to be able to let them go, otherwise you are holding onto energy that is not a good fit for you anymore and it will keep you stuck.

How Clutter Affects You

Clutter affects us in different ways, and it affects some people more than others. The more sensitive you are to energy, the more it affects you.

Here are a few of the ways that clutter and disorganization can affect you:

• Low energy – clutter makes you feel tired, and lethargic. The more you have, the more overwhelming it is and the less you feel able to deal with it. This is why people say they feel more energized after they’ve had a good spring cleaning session.
  
  
• Keeps you stuck in the past – as an example, I’ve worked with many people who were ready to move on from unhappy relationships or family situations but seemed unable to do so. In each case, we discovered they were holding onto items that had very unhappy memories and associations for them from those relationships. They were able to move on only when they were able to let go of those items that were keeping them stuck.
  
  
• Congestion – when you have clutter, not only is your home congested, your own energy is congested too. Because you are connected to your home energetically.
  
  
• Lack of self-care – as well as an energetic connection, there is also a large emotional connection that you have with many of your possessions. Clutter represents some dissatisfaction with yourself and/or your life. When you look after your environment, you are also more likely to look after yourself.
  
  
• Confusion/disorganization – have you ever been unable to find something you know you have? Or have you purchased something that you already have and forgot you had? I worked with someone once who had 4 copies of the same book – she just didn’t know she’d already bought it before (and she hadn’t read it yet)! The more clutter you have, the less clarity you have, and you waste time searching for lost things, or money buying things you already have.
  
  
• Affects how people treat you – people tend to treat you the way you treat yourself, which means that you can attract people who mistreat you or at the very least don’t respect you. Sorting out clutter can improve your relationships.
  
  
• Procrastination – things you put off attending to in your home represent things you are putting off in your life.
  
  
• Disharmony – clutter is often a major cause of arguments within a household. It can also distract you from what’s really important.
  

These are just some of the ways clutter has an impact.

Remember that your possessions are not only alive with energy, they are also alive with your memories and associations, and so you want to make sure that you surround yourself with things that you love, need, use and want.

Eliminating clutter is difficult when you think it’s only about the stuff. Understanding what you have, how it’s affecting you, and why you’re keeping it helps you regain control. It gets worse when you don’t address the core of the problem – such as why you’re holding onto things from the past or why you’re holding onto things that have negative associations for you. Keeping these things only keeps you stuck in the past and maintains an attachment to negative situations or people.

Understanding the clutter is the first step to eliminating it. When you know what you’re keeping and why, it’s easier to let go of it.

When you’re ready, here are some strategies that can help you see real progress quickly.

First, it’s helpful to prepare some boxes and label them. One is for things you want to throw away, one is for things you want to donate, another for anything you want to sell, and then there’s what you want to keep.

Once you have your boxes, choose one area that you want to focus on (such as a room, a closet or drawer, the garage, etc.) Schedule some time, such as 1 or 2 hours, and remove everything from that room or space.

Once everything is out of the room, cupboard or closet, then you start sorting. You put things into the various containers and the things you want to keep go to one side.

Once you’ve sorted, you start putting back the things that you want to keep – but you must make sure that you have a place for each item. The only things you put back are the things you want to keep, nothing else.

The reason for doing it this way is that it’s very difficult to sort through things when you’re in the room or space you’re sorting. That’s why it’s helpful to take everything out – then you can really sort properly.

When I do this I like to play some upbeat music, which really helps me make progress.

This method can feel very overwhelming for some people. If we’re talking about a large area, such as a basement or garage, you might want to divide it up into areas and tackle one area at a time.

If this does feel too overwhelming to you, then you can simply set a timer for a small amount of time that feels good and manageable to you. It could be 5 minutes, or it could be 30 minutes, or one hour. Whatever amount of time it is for you, you’ll want to do this regularly. So, for example, it might be 10 minutes every day. Or 1 hour every other day. Or It could be 3 hours every Friday.

Whatever it is, you need to set a schedule and stick to it. This may not seem like very much, but you’d be amazed at how you can accomplish this way. The key is frequency and consistency, and making the amount of time manageable and not overwhelming.

You could set yourself a challenge to do 10 minutes every day for 1 month. That adds up over time. At the end of 30 days that would be 5 hours! You can accomplish a lot in 5 hours.

If you’re like most people, I think you’ll find that once you get started you will want to keep going after the timer goes off. I wouldn’t recommend doing that the first few times you try it, but later on you can if you want to.

If even that doesn’t seem doable, then simply throw out one thing every day. Even that expands over time, until you find that you’re beginning to make real progress. Start somewhere. It doesn’t matter how small, just do something, and do it frequently. The energy will soon build.

Start with the most simple things - ones that you are not tied to emotionally. When you have a lot of emotion tied up in things (such as things from a deceased loved one) that can make it more difficult to let go, so start with something easier until you feel you’re making progress.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you find that you just can’t get started. Ask a friend or family member to help you, or hire a professional organizer. There is no shame in asking for help. What’s worse is not asking and continuing to feel stressed and overwhelmed by all the clutter.

When you remove things from your home that are no longer necessary or appropriate in your life, you gain clarity. You let go of the past when you let go of things that no longer serve you. You open the way for new opportunities to come to you in life, and allow your life to flow by removing obstructions.

When you declutter and organize your home, think of it as clearing out old, stagnant energy and allowing new, positive energy to enter.

Despite the fact that we know how important it is to remove clutter, it can be painfully difficult to part with our possessions - even the ones that have been stuffed in a box in the corner of a closet for the last year or more.

To help you, here are some questions you can ask yourself as you assess what to release and what to keep:

• Do I use it?
  
• Do I need it?
  
• Does it bring me joy?
• If I lost it, would I seek an exact replica to replace it?
• Does it remind me of happy memories or create positive emotions when I'm near it?
• Would I take it with me if I moved to a new home?
• Will it create pleasure or be useful to my heirs (and if I think it will, am I sure they really want it)?

One final note: If it's broken or irreparably damaged, then throw it out.

By clearing your home's clutter, you can create a more open environment to welcome positive energy that will result in a better life for you and everyone under your roof.

It doesn’t really matter what strategy you use - learning to think about clutter energetically, what you’re keeping, why you’re keeping it, and how it affects you - can help you find the energy and motivation to overcome the clutter in your home.

If you’d like to learn more about how to balance the energy of your home for greater success and harmony, take the online Feng Shui Success course. It gives simple, practical tips for making the energy of your home support you, instead of sabotaging you. Use coupon code fss50 at checkout for $50 off the enrollment price.

Do you have clutter because you feel overwhelmed? Or are you overwhelmed because you have clutter? Or is it a bit of both?

Clutter can easily sneak up on you and before you know it, it's become a problem.

On a recent Facebook Live chat, Clutter Clearing Coach, Conny Graf and I discussed the impact of clutter and overwhelm. You can watch it here.

We all feel some stress in our lives. Some people have more than others, and what’s stressful to one person may not feel stressful to someone else.

It’s unrealistic to believe that you should feel positive and happy 100% of the time and that nothing will make you feel stressed or anxious.

In fact, studies show that there are benefits to stress. It forces us to grow, to step outside our comfort zone and connect with each other for support.  

In fact, we can actually use stress to our advantage. I like to think of being able to use stressful situations as stepping stones to something better, to growth.

Instead of resisting stressful situations, and seeing them only as ‘bad,’ we can ask ourselves how we can turn them around and use them to our benefit.

It’s all about how you react or respond to a situation.

Here are some strategies for managing stress when it shows up for you. They will help you to feel in control, rather than feeling like a victim.

• Identify the source
  What, in particular, is causing you stress in this moment? Is it your job? Is it your boss? Is it your relationship with your spouse, children or a family member? Is it a health issue? The first step to changing anything is always clarity - become clear on exactly what you are feeling stressed about and why, because you can’t change it until you acknowledge it. Also, be aware that what you think is the problem is not always the problem!
  
  
• Stop fighting what is
  Stress is created when we resist what is happening. We say things like “this shouldn’t be happening to me,” or “this isn’t fair.” The reality is that it is happening. The sooner you acknowledge that fact, the sooner you will be able to change it. When you keep fighting something because it shouldn’t be happening or it isn’t fair, you will stay stuck in it much longer.
  
  
• Know what you can do now
  Your situation may not change overnight, but there is always at least one thing you can do right now. Perhaps that one thing is simply to get clear on what you want to happen. Or perhaps it’s to identify who can assist you and reach out to them for help. It may feel as though there’s nothing you can possibly do, but there is always something. Ask yourself – “what is one thing I can do right now that will help?”
  

• Monitor your thoughts and re-frame
  There’s a quote from author Eckhart Tolle that says: “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.”
  
  Your thoughts about what’s happening in your life create stress and can take you into a downward spiral of negativity. Be aware of what you are thinking and, as much as possible re-frame negative thoughts, turning them into something that feels better.
  
  It’s not always easy to change your thoughts – you can’t tell yourself everything is fine when it doesn’t feel fine and believe it. Here’s one way that I’ve found helpful. Say to yourself: “Even though….. is happening, I choose to find a positive solution,” or you can say “I choose to find a way to feel better about it.” Play around with this until you find something that works for you.
  
  
• Pay attention to repeating patterns
  If a situation continues to repeat itself, for example, you leave your job because of a difficult boss, only to find that in you next job you once again encounter a difficult boss or supervisor, then there is a message here for you. There’s a reason you keep having the same experiences over and over. Ask yourself what you need to learn from this situation so it doesn’t have to happen again.
  
  
• Take time out
  Sometimes you just need some time away mentally, emotionally and/or physically) from the stressful situation and/or person to gain some new perspective. Spend some time alone (even 5 or 10 minutes) in a different environment and you’ll find that your thinking and often the situation itself can shift.
  

• Know your stress tolerance level
  Since we all have stress in our lives, it is unrealistic to think there will never be stressful situations. However, each person reacts to stressors in different ways. Are you the kind of person who thrives on tight deadlines, who loves to constantly push yourself to learn and grow and move beyond your comfort zone? Or do you prefer a calmer, more relaxed state and a slower pace? There is no wrong answer, it’s all about knowing yourself and your limits. Don’t expect to be like anyone else – know what works for you.
  
  
• Release energy and frustration with physical activity
  When you feel tense and overwhelmed and you are finding it difficult to think positively, it’s amazing how much better you will feel when you engage in some physical activity. You can simply go for a walk, or take an exercise class, or even if you simply put on some music and dance around the room, it will significantly shift your energy. Focusing on your breathing (long, slow deep breaths in and out) is also another way to instantly calm your mind and body.
  
  
• Get the help you need
  Trying to do it all by yourself can be too stressful. You may have to swallow your pride to ask for help but it’s important to know that you don’t have to suffer alone. Find someone who understands what you’re going through. Allow them to help you. You can eliminate much of your stress right away simply by knowing someone is on your side who knows how to help you. Even just talking your problems through with someone is beneficial. When you say things out loud (rather than going over and over them in your mind), you will often find that solutions can present themselves naturally.
  
  
• Be honest about your options
  You always have choices. You may not like the choices you have, but you always have them. When you think that you don’t have any options then you feel powerless. When you identify the choices you do have (whether you like them or not) it helps you to realize that you are not powerless. There is always something you can do to move forward. Taking some action is the most important thing.

I think it’s important and helpful to be aware of and use techniques to help you calm your mind and body when one of these situations occurs. When your mind is calm, then you’ll be able to focus on solutions, outcomes and possible growth.

There are many techniques that are helpful. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Being in nature
• Exercising (preferably something you enjoy)
• Breathing exercises (such as: breathe in slowly for a count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4, repeat)
  
• Yoga
• Journaling (writing things out can be very therapeutic)
• Talking things through with a friend or colleague (sometimes just talking about it brings clarity)
• Take a hot shower or soak in the bath
• Give yourself (and the situation) space (walk away or focus on something else for a while)
• Essential oils
• Listening to calming or uplifting music

Find your own favorite techniques and use them regularly. You don’t have to wait for a stressful situation to arise. Using them on a daily basis will help you deal more effectively with stress when it arrives.

I hope you’re beginning to see that you can take control of stressful situations, and even use them to grow.

Remember that you may not be able to avoid stress, but you can develop healthier ways of responding to it, and learn how to use it to your advantage. Let these strategies help you.

One of the things that creates stress (and is also a symptom of stress) is clutter and disorganization. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s easy for your environment to become cluttered and disorganized, which leads you to feeling even more overwhelmed.

If this is your experience - or if you have trouble finding a system to manage and maintain a clutter-free and organized environment, you’ll want to check out this upcoming Masterclass: Secrets to Overcoming Clutter and Overwhelm.