When you take on other people’s energy… I experienced a situation over the weekend where, after attending a couple of events, I realized that by the time I arrived home on Sunday afternoon I didn’t feel very good. I was feeling great when the weekend started, so what happened?

First, I identified the uncomfortable emotions I was feeling and wrote about them to see where they were coming from and what had been triggered. But I couldn’t seem to pinpoint it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn’t able to let it go.

Then it hit me – what if this wasn’t mine at all? What if I had taken on someone else’s energy and emotions? If you are a ‘helper’ personality or an empath it’s easy for this to happen. Once I had this thought I decided that if it wasn’t mine, then I wanted to return the energy to where it came from. Within just a few minutes I felt better.

It can be difficult enough to work through your own energy, emotions and old beliefs, and it’s impossible to work through someone else’s. So it’s important to learn to recognize when the discomfort you’re feeling is yours and when it’s from someone/somewhere else.

This can happen with our loved ones, when we would gladly take on their pain if it helps them feel better.

What we don’t always realize is that other people (even people we don’t know) can project their painful emotions onto us, and if we’re open and receptive enough, we can unknowingly take them on.

You can never help anyone else by taking away their painful emotions. You can help and support them through it, but you can’t take it away – this is a lesson I have learned the hard way. So any time you recognize that you’ve taken something like this on and made it yours, it’s important to let it go.

Any time I experience a difficult or painful emotion I work through it until I feel better, so whenever I am not able to work through something I realize that it’s not mine. This is a really helpful lesson to learn.

Action Step: Identify any discomfort or painful emotions you may be feeling that you have not been able to resolve. Ask yourself if you might have taken this on from someone else, and make the decision that you’d like to return it to where it came from. Notice if you start to feel better.

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

I release the need to take on other people’s problems. I respect and love myself enough to recognize when something doesn’t serve me and I willingly let it go.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Your 10 year old self… I read a question recently which made me pause and think. I do love questions that make me think, so I thought I’d ask the question of you – and add another of my own because I think it may bring up some interesting thoughts and emotions for you.

The question I read was:

Would your 10 year old self be proud of you now?

My answer to that question would be undoubtedly yes. Which then led me to ask:

What would your 10 year old self think of you and say to you now?

I have to say that I don’t remember much about my 10 year old self, but I do know how insecure I felt at that time, with such low self-esteem and confidence, that I think she would be completely blown away by how much I’ve changed and how different I am from that fearful little girl who carried the burden of so much fear, guilt and shame.

It’s a great reminder of how far I’ve come, so really good validation for me. But what if your 10 year old self would somehow be disappointed with where you are now? Well, that tells you that this is a good time to stop, and take a good look at what needs to change – it’s never too late to become the person you really want to be! Awareness is the first step.

Action Step: Write out your answers to the questions above. You might even find it helpful to write a letter to your 10 year old self, and/or for her to write a letter to you. Then ask yourself what you can do with this information. How can it help you?

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

Every day I develop greater and deeper levels of self-awareness. I use my past experiences to become stronger and wiser. Every day I understand and appreciate myself more.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. For all my friends and colleagues in Idaho - I invite you to join me at the Reinvention Convention, in beautiful Eagle, Idaho, April 26-27. I’ll be one of the speakers at the event and you qualify for special pricing just because you know me (how great is that?) Here’s the link to find out more: http://www.idahowomenbusinessowners.com/ Apply the coupon code: iwbo when you check out before the end of March, and you’ll receive your ticket for just $97.

The power of reinvention… How many times have you reinvented yourself? We are typically forced to reinvent ourselves when things happen, such as losing a job, divorce, loss of a loved one, or a health diagnosis. The beginning of a new year, or reaching a milestone age (30, 40, 50, 60, etc.) can also trigger the desire to reinvent, as we look back our lives and ask “is this it?”

You don’t have to wait for something to happen to you to force a change of direction or to do things differently. I think we have opportunities every day where we can choose to start over– just like this quote says from entertainer Billy Crystal:

“What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.”

Embracing the idea of reinvention is embracing the idea of change, and also the idea that it’s okay for you to allow yourself to look out for what is the best fit for you in this moment.

Whether you’re thinking about starting over in some aspect of your life, or whether change is being forced upon you, here are some steps that will help you:

• Know what’s important to you – make a list of your top values, the things that you really want out of life. This makes it so much easier to stay on track and say no to things that are not a fit.
  
  
• Change your thinking – keep your attention (your energy, your thoughts, your focus) on what is important to you.
  
  
• Do something different – you know the saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Make a decision to do some things differently. Learn something new, go to new places. Yes, it will be uncomfortable – stretching yourself in this way usually is.
  
  
• Find your supporters – you must surround yourself with people who believe in you, who will guide you and support you and encourage you. Stay away from those who want you to stay the same and who tell you want you can’t do. You want people who believe in what you CAN do.
  

I recently had to look back at where I used to be in my life for an article I was writing. I have started over and reinvented myself so many times it’s difficult to recognize the person I used to be. I continue to change and grow, and whereas that used to be scary for me, now it’s exhilarating. I can’t wait to see what I do next!

Next Steps: Identify where you could use some reinvention in your life. Perhaps it’s career, health, or relationships. Whatever it is, give yourself permission to allow the change.

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

“I embrace new beginnings and move in the direction of what is best for me. I am open to new possibilities and experiences.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. It’s never too late to start over – I invite you to join me at the Reinvention Convention, in beautiful Eagle, Idaho (near Boise), April 26-27. I’ll be one of the speakers at the event and you qualify for special pricing just because you know me (how great is that?) Here’s the link to find out more: http://www.idahowomenbusinessowners.com/ Use the coupon code: iwbo when you check out and you’ll receive your ticket for just $97.

Your personal roadmap – Once again, my inspiration for today’s Unstoppable Tip comes from a quote I recently read:

“Nobody is successful because they took somebody else’s roadmap and copied it.” – Srinivas Rao, The Art of Being Unmistakable.

This quote resonated with me, because I remember the days when I thought this was what I had to do. And I also remember others telling me that if someone is doing something successfully, then it stands to reason that if everyone else does things that exact same way they will be successful, right? Wrong.

We can certainly learn from what others are doing, and if something deeply resonates then we can apply that to our own roadmap, but trying to be like someone else or do things the exact same way doesn’t work. It might seem like it works in the beginning, although at some point you’ll find that it doesn’t.

This is particularly important for highly sensitive people and empaths to hear, because your way will not be like anybody else’s way. It can’t be, because you’re just different. Although, people will certainly want to tell you the way you ‘should’ do things.

At first, it might seem as though this makes things harder, but it actually makes things easier. What it means is that you must learn to listen to your intuition and to trust it. Trust what feels right for you and what doesn’t. Don’t let anyone else tell you what’s right for you and what isn’t. If you’re not used to doing this it can seem difficult at first. I can confirm that it does get easier (and more enjoyable) the more you do it.

Don’t waste any more energy trying to follow someone else’s roadmap – create your own personal roadmap and take your own journey. It’s much more fun, more rewarding and empowering. And it brings the best results. This is what being in alignment is all about.

Action Step: Think about any area where you might be struggling right now. Ask yourself if you’re following your roadmap in this area or someone else’s. Are you doing what resonates with you or are you trying to fit in with what others say or want you to do? What can you change? 

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

I release the need to follow someone else’s roadmap. My way is the right way for me. I trust myself and feel good about where I’m headed.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

What is self-care? When we think of self-care, we usually think of doing things like taking time for ourselves, taking a hot bath, having a massage, etc., But there’s a lot more to it than that, and I was inspired to write this tip by a quote I saw recently:

“Self-care is also not arguing with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” – Ayishat A. Akanbi

This reminded me that there is so much more to self-care. Last week I talked about knowing when to withdraw your energy from a situation or person – that is an act of self-care. Here are some other examples:

• Knowing what is important to you and not settling for anything less
  
• De-cluttering and organizing your living and working spaces so the energy feels good and the environments can support you
• Making time to do the things you really want to do, and not putting them off
• Saying no when you want to say no
• Saying yes to the things you want to say yes to
• Releasing people, situations, objects and thoughts that do not support you and do not feel good
• Learning how to turn your inner critic into your inner coach
  
• Giving yourself permission to receive the best in life
• Recognizing your true worth and value
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Learning to love and appreciate yourself and your body
• Asking for help when you need it and allowing yourself to receive it

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea. You have an opportunity to practice self-care every day, all the time.

Action Step: Take one item from this list and commit to incorporating it into your life for the next week, and see how it feels.

Which one can you start doing now? What else can you add to this list?

Let this affirmation support you on your journey:

I am now willing to make self-care my highest priority and allow more of what feels good into my life. I deserve it and I am worth it.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Know when to withdraw your energy – You know what it’s like when you’re trying to explain something to someone and they refuse to believe you? Or when you want to help someone feel better, but they reject every suggestion you make? Really, any situation where you feel like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall and the harder you try to make the other person (or people) understand, the worse it gets?

I had a situation once where a person accused me of doing something that I did not do – in fact I would not do, but they told everyone that I did. The more I tried to explain to anyone that I didn’t in fact do what I was being accused of, the worse the situation became.

These are all situations where the best thing you can do is to withdraw your energy. This isn’t giving up, not at all. Rather it’s a recognition that you are wasting your energy in a futile attempt to make others understand something. The more energy you put into it, the more you feed their position. They become more entrenched and you become more depleted.

It can be really hard to withdraw energy like this, but in my situation I recognized that it was the only thing I could do. Once I did, the whole thing went away.

Another time I realized that I was putting a lot of energy into trying to help someone, who was complaining to me about a situation. I realized that she really didn’t want to be helped, she just wanted to complain. So I withdrew my energy, just listened and didn’t let myself get hooked into a discussion about her complaint. Once she realized I wasn’t going to get hooked, she moved onto something else.

You can easily become depleted by investing energy into something (or someone) that’s not going to change. The trick is to recognize it and know when to withdraw energy. You don’t necessarily have to withdraw yourself, only your energy.

Action Step: Think of a situation or a person that’s frustrating you right now. Consider withdrawing your energy (which includes your thoughts about it) and focusing on something else instead. Notice how you feel and how the situation changes as a result.

The following affirmation will help:

I release the need to invest my energy in people, things and situations that don’t serve me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Inspiration or Motivation? We hear a lot about being motivated and how to motivate ourselves to do something, but what if that’s not as helpful as we think it is?

I saw this quote from Esther Hicks/Abraham recently and it got me thinking and realizing that I’d rather be inspired than motivated – what do you think?

“Inspiration comes forth from within. It’s what the light burning within you is about, as opposed to motivation, which is doing it because if you don’t do it, there will be negative repercussions. Motivation is making myself do something that I don’t really want to do. Inspiration is having the clear picture of what I am wanting — and letting Universal forces come into play to get the outcome.”

Action Step: Make a list of what inspires you. What lights you up from within? Get a clear picture of what that is – create a vision board if it helps. Ask yourself how you can bring more of what inspires you into your daily life.

You can use this affirmation as well:

I give myself permission to do more of what inspires me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. Speaking of being inspired - do you feel inspired at work or do you feel stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated? Many people have a tough time at work and it's difficult to feel inspired when you have to go every day to a job that you don't enjoy - this is particularly true for those who are highly sensitive. I created a Guide with 7 Tips to Survive and Thrive at Work. I wrote it for HSP's, but the strategies are applicable to everybody. You can download a copy for free - just click on the button below to get your copy.

Your best year… I’ve been reading Debbie Ford’s book – The Best Year of Your Life, which is why I chose this as the topic for today’s Unstoppable Energy Tip.

I’ve noticed a significant energy shift for me as I’ve started thinking about this, so let me share some questions for you to consider:

• If this were to be the best year of your life, what would that look like?
  
• What would it feel like?
• What would be happening for it to be the best year?
• What experiences would you be having?
  

This isn’t to say that nothing bad will ever happen, because that’s unrealistic. But often we find that in order to really make progress, we need to be removed from certain situations, which is why we might lose the job, or end the relationship – because they weren’t serving us.

Action Step: As you think about, and perhaps even write about, these questions, notice what comes up for you. Notice how you feel. Allow yourself to have some fun with it and pay attention to any energy shifts.

This affirmation may help you:

“I am willing to allow myself to experience the best year ever, the best of myself and the best of everything life has to offer.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

When you need to confront someone: I think most people dislike confrontation. If you’re an HSP and/or an introvert, you probably try to avoid it altogether. But sometimes it’s inevitable that you have to set a boundary with somebody, stand up for yourself, or just respond to someone in an assertive way so they don’t take advantage of you.

This came up a couple of times this week, so I thought it would make a good tip.

When you find yourself in the position of having to confront someone, here are some steps you can take that will help you achieve a positive outcome:

1. Deal with the emotion – often, when we make the decision that we need to confront someone, it’s because we’re upset. The person has said or done something that doesn’t feel good or right and we want to let them know. It’s most helpful though if you deal with the emotion before you have the conversation with them. Whenever you go into such a conversation carrying a lot of emotion, the other person tends to immediately become defensive, and that’s when confrontation can become uncomfortable, or even nasty.
   
   Instead, identify the emotion that this person/situation has triggered in you. Are you feeling angry, sad, misunderstood, ignored? Identify what you’re feeling and then write about it. Ask yourself where this is really coming from, where has it happened in the past? Usually you’ll find that what you’re feeling relates to something that happened in your past, perhaps when you were a child. Often it’s a recurring theme in your life and it actually has nothing to do with the person or situation that just triggered it.
   
   You’ll know when you’ve worked through the emotion and let it go when you feel calmer. If you write about it and still feel intense emotion, it can be helpful to talk to someone who is a good listener. Ask them to just listen, rather than trying to offer advice. They may ask you some questions to help clarify what you feel. Often, talking something through is enough to make the shift. The point is that you don’t want to go into the conversation/confrontation with someone until you have released this emotion.
   
   
2. Stick to the facts – This should be a lot easier to do once you’ve let go of the emotion. Sticking to the facts makes the situation easier to address. You can say “this happened, which led to this and it affected me this way.” Often, you’ll find that the other person had no idea their words or actions had affected you in the way they did.
   
   
3. Know what you want – Be clear on what you would like the outcome to be. What would feel good to you? What would be the ideal resolution to this issue? Again, when you stick to facts, it makes it much easier to arrive at a mutual agreement.
   

There’s no need to be so afraid of confrontation when you take this approach. The worst thing about it is how you feel, and if you deal with that up-front, and work through the emotion, arriving at a place of calmness and clarity, you’ll be able to handle any conversation much more easily.

Of course, there are some people (like narcissists and bullies) with whom there can be no peaceful resolution. They are attached to being right and they don’t really care if they upset you or anyone else. Even so, if you have to deal with this type of person the first and most important thing to do is to deal with your emotion until you feel better. These types of people feed of the painful energy and emotions of other people, and if you remove that, then there’s nothing in it for them.

Action Step: Think of a person or situation that is upsetting to you right now. Identify and work through the emotions that are being triggered until you feel better. Then think about how you would ideally like to resolve the issue.

This affirmation will help:

I have the power to resolve any conflict in a positive way, for the highest good of everyone involved.

Be unstoppable!

When facing a difficult choice: Sometimes it’s difficult to know what to do for the best. You want to trust yourself to make the right decision, but you don’t always know what that is.

I saw a post on Facebook recently from Reflections of an HSP/Introvert that I’m inspired to share because I think it can help, not only when faced with a difficult situation, but can help when faced with making any decision.

The post suggested asking yourself this question:

What would someone who loves themselves do?

I know the power of asking questions, and I think this is a particularly powerful question to ask.

Many people, particularly those who are highly sensitive, tend to believe that in some way they are not good enough. That can be a very difficult belief to change. I think that regularly asking this question will help to transform that belief.

Action Step: Begin asking yourself this question and make a commitment to do it regularly over the next few months. See what changes for you.

What would someone who loves themselves do?

Be Unstoppable!

Linda