Do you know your triggers? A few days ago, somebody was talking to me and asking some questions. I was a little distracted, thinking about something else and obviously didn’t respond in the way they expected. So they said “what’s wrong with you?”

I immediately felt myself becoming withdrawn, angry and upset. This question was an emotional trigger for me. Fortunately, I recognized that some deep seated emotions had been triggered and so in my mind I began to explore what was coming up for me.

Within a few minutes I recognized that this kind of question or statement was something I’d heard a lot of growing up: “what’s wrong with you?” “you’re too sensitive.” Or, “there’s something wrong with you, why can’t you be more like ….?” Ask any introvert, intuitive, empathic, or highly sensitive person and they will most likely tell you that they’ve heard the same or similar things.

Had the person simply said “what’s wrong?” or “is there something wrong?” it wouldn’t have had the same effect. It’s the inference that there is something wrong ‘with me’ that was the trigger.

I’ve spent over half of my life undoing the belief that there is something wrong with me, because as a child who was different from everyone around me, I was certainly conditioned to believe that the fact that I was different meant there was something wrong with me.

I share this story because it’s a great example of how you can use your Emotional Guidance System if you pay attention to it. Had I not used it in this way, I might have blamed the other person, and made it all their fault, which may have led to an argument, which could have resulted in a lot more upset for both of us. But I knew that it really wasn’t about them, and, when I shared this experience with them afterwards, they were relieved because they hadn’t meant it in the way that I had perceived it at all.

We all have emotional triggers. Next time someone says something which upsets you, see if you can recognize it as a trigger and explore the emotions that have been stirred up. This is emotional mastery and this is one of the things that will take you from stuck to unstoppable.

Action Step: Make a note of anything that you know is a trigger for you, see if you can identify where it came from and recognize that you can release the emotions and experiences that are stirred up by this trigger. The following affirmation can help:

“My Emotional Guidance System supports me at all times as I learn to release anything that causes me emotional pain and discomfort.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. If you'd like to learn more about how you can use your Emotional Guidance System to achieve Emotional Mastery, take the Emotional Relief Master Class - click the button below to find out more.

When you need support – whom do you turn to? If you’re the person who is always used to helping others, it can be difficult to ask for help and support when you need it. You may even feel resentful because you feel that those closest to you should know what you need without you having to ask them.

We all need community and support. And you may need different people at different times. If there are times when you feel you don’t have the support that you need, here are some thoughts that may be helpful:

• If you are highly sensitive and/or empathic, you may find it difficult to be around people, and you may be tempted to isolate yourself. It doesn’t mean that you don’t need people, it just means you need the right people (in fact we all do). Make sure you have people in your circle who understand you and accept you as you are. It’s important to find like-minded people you can connect with.
  
  
• Don’t expect your family and friends to always understand or be able to give you the advice and support that you need. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, it may simply mean they don’t have the ability to understand certain things. Know which people you can go to for different things. For example, who is the person you can vent to without taking it on or trying to fix things for you? Who is the person who will cheer you up and make you laugh when you need it? Who is the person who can help and guide you in your professional life? They probably won’t all be the same person.
  
  
• Know who your supporters are – those people who will encourage, inspire and support you no matter what. Those are the people you want to spend more time with. Stay away from, or at least minimize your time with those who criticize, judge or complain or who try to drag you into their drama.
  
  
• Have a mentor, coach, or guide – someone who has accomplished what you want to accomplish and can help you find the right steps and the right plan for you. This should not be someone who forces you to do things their way, but someone who helps you find YOUR right way.
  
  
• Most importantly – you must be your biggest supporter. When you support yourself, you will naturally attract other people who are inspiring to be around. When you judge, criticize and blame yourself, then you’ll attract others who do the same.

Action Step: Think about the people with whom you spend the most time. Identify those who encourage and support you and push you to be your best. Make a decision to spend more time with these people.

This affirmation can also help draw the right people to you:

“I choose to surround myself with positive and supportive people. I deserve the best and receive all support I need.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. If you are intuitive, empathic and/or highly sensitive I have the perfect community ready and waiting for you and it won't cost a thing - I invite you to join our private Facebook Group for Highly Sensitive Professionals and/or join us on Friday mornings at 9:30am Pacific for a 30-minute Facebook Live broadcast - Success Strategies for Highly Sensitive People. Click on the button below to join.

When you don’t feel appreciated… – How often do you feel unappreciated? Perhaps you’re the one people rely on to get things done and you’re the first to step in to help when someone needs it, but you barely even receive an acknowledgement. This can leave you feeling frustrated and even resentful.
 
Today’s tip is inspired by one of my clients who was feeling exactly this way. She was visiting and staying with family and was doing her best to take care of them, as well as her husband and children. She was doing all the cooking and cleaning and making sure everyone was alright, but never received acknowledgement for anything she did. Instead, everyone seemed to just expect it. Sound familiar?
 
We talked about it and agreed on what she should do. When I spoke with her 2 weeks later she was amazed at what had happened. She told me that all sorts of people had been coming to her and telling her how great she is and how much they appreciated her. She had also received several invitations to social events and a couple of new opportunities had been presented to her – because of how much she was appreciated.
 
Do you want to know what she did? You won’t believe how simple it is.
 
She started appreciating herself. Instead of hoping others would recognize and appreciate her, I asked her to start appreciating herself, so that she didn’t need to receive it from others.
 
So this is what she did. She gave herself the appreciation that she needed and stopped expecting to receive it from anyone else.
 
When you give yourself what you need and stop expecting it to come from someone else, wonderful things happen.
 
Action Step: Try it and see for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to give you what you need. Start appreciating yourself.
 
Here’s an affirmation that can help:
 
I release the need to receive approval or appreciation from others. I love and appreciate myself.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. If you're intuitive, highly sensitive, and/or an empath, you may feel lack of appreciation even more deeply and you may find it difficult to appreciate yourself. In which case, I invite you to join the Highly Sensitive Professionals private Facebook Group so we can appreciate you. You'll meet other members who understand exactly how you feel and it costs nothing to join!

Are you a perfectionist? If so, is it good or bad?

This discussion came up recently in my ‘Highly Sensitive Professionals’ Facebook group, because those who are highly sensitive also tend to be perfectionists. So I was inspired to write about it for this week’s tip.

There are times when perfectionism might be a good thing – for example, if I’m about to have surgery, I’d really like it if the surgeon operating on me was something of a perfectionist. If someone is doing work for me, I like them to have perfectionist tendencies because I want them to do a really good job for me. If you do work that requires a lot of fine, intricate detail, then being a perfectionist is a good thing.

But being a perfectionist can definitely get in the way and even be very unhealthy. For example, perfectionists often don’t just have high standards, they can have unrealistic expectations and standards.

According to research, perfectionist tendencies have been linked to things like:

• Depression and anxiety
  
• Social anxiety disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
• Eating disorders, and much more

So perhaps there is a healthy version of perfectionism, which is about having high standards, motivation and discipline and wanting to a good job, and an unhealthy version, which is when your best never seems good enough and everything seems to frustrate you.

Also, you might need to be more of a perfectionist in your work, but perhaps it’s not serving you to be a perfectionist in other areas of your life.

I think the key is to notice where and how it serves you, and where it doesn’t. Also to recognize that being hyper-critical of yourself and everything you do is not serving you either.

I began to notice that for me, my perfectionist tendencies were mostly not serving me. So I now acknowledge that I’m a recovering perfectionist. I still have high standards, and I always like to do a good job, but I no longer beat myself up if I make a mistake, I just put it right to the best of my ability and move on. I am also letting go of the constant self-criticism (always a work in progress).

Action Step: identify where and how your perfectionism shows up and how it serves you. Do you have high standards and like to do a good job or are your standards often unrealistically high and are you hyper-critical of yourself?

If you need to let go of some of that perfectionism, try the following affirmation:

“I release the need to be critical of myself. I do my best and that’s good enough.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. If you are highly sensitive, it's likely that you're also a perfectionist. Check out our Highly Sensitive Professionals Facebook Group - we'd love to have you join us.

Dealing with passive-aggressive behavior – The inspiration for today’s tip comes from a conversation I had this week. The person was sharing a difficult situation at work where her boss was making life miserable for everyone.

It was particularly confusing because this boss is sometimes really nice and sometimes really horrible. She seems to take delight in upsetting and confusing people and making them wrong. It sounds as though her behavior is passive-aggressive – it’s like the person is smiling at you and saying nice things while she’s stabbing you in the back.

People like this can leave you doubting yourself and afraid to speak up. They can affect you so much that it begins to affect other areas of your life as well, because you can’t just forget about it when you leave work and it can make you dread going to work. For many people, the situation becomes so unbearable they have to quit their job.

These kinds of situations and people can make you feel powerless. Particularly when the person is in a position of authority, as in this case. But you are not powerless, there are things you can do. Here are some suggestions – I know these work because I use them all the time:

• First – it’s helpful to know where this is coming from, because the question we often ask is 'why?' Why is this person doing this to me and others? Why is this person behaving this way? I am not a psychologist, but here’s what I’ve learned from my own experiences – these people can be carrying a lot of pain and self-loathing. Their pain is so great, that the only way they think they can gain any relief is to pass some of it on to others, and they do it in any way they can. This does not excuse their behavior, but it can help to explain it. Because people who feel good about themselves and their lives would not feel the need to treat others this way.
  

 

• If you feel strong enough, address the behavior with the person – but you’ll want to keep emotion out of it, and stick purely to the facts. Of course, this can be difficult when the person is your boss, which is where the next tips come in.
  
  
• Set an intention before every interaction with this person – so if it’s at work, set your intention before you go in to work. The intention is that you will not allow this person (or anyone else) to take or manipulate your energy in any way. You will not allow them to affect you in any way.

 

• Before you go into work or have an interaction with this person, spend a few moments visualizing yourself surrounded by white light – you can imagine it as a shield, or a force field, whatever feels good to you, but the purpose of it is to keep your energy intact and to allow anything they send your way to simply bounce back.

 

• Become an observer. Once you know that your energy cannot be affected, it’s easier for you to simply observe their behavior and not be triggered by it. You can observe what’s happening without emotion. When you refuse to engage energetically and emotionally with them, they will have to find relief elsewhere.

 

• Ask yourself this question – “what is it that I need to learn about myself from this person so that I can move on?” You may not receive an answer right away, but you will eventually. Difficult people teach us a lot about ourselves and are usually in our lives for a reason. Once you know that reason, you don’t need the experience any more.

These tips may sound simple, but they are extremely effective. Try them, and let me know how you get on!

Here’s an affirmation you can use to help:

“I release the need to allow anyone to take or manipulate my energy in any way. I am safe.”

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. I mentioned it in my last post, and it's worth mentioning again - if you are an Empath or Highly Sensitive person these people (energy vampires) may well be drawn to you. Judith Orloff's book The Empath's Survival Guide offers helpful advice on how to deal with all kinds of things that can negatively affect your energy.

Recognize energy manipulators – also known as energy vampires. I like to refer to them as manipulators because they don’t always take your energy, they often try to pass on their negative energy, or influence yours in some way. Either way, interactions with them leave you feeling depleted, stressed, and sometimes physically ill, so you’ll want to learn to recognize them as soon as possible, and know what to do when you encounter them.

If you happen to be an empath and/or highly sensitive, they can and will affect you even more. They will even be drawn to you because of your positive energy and caring heart, and their affects can be even more devastating and long-lasting.

You know when you’ve encountered one when:

• you suddenly don’t feel good (such as, depressed, anxious or nauseous)
• you feel emotions that you weren’t feeling before (such as anger, sadness, frustration),
• you might feel a heavy, uncomfortable feeling inside
• you start to doubt yourself and think this is something that’s coming from you, but it isn’t
• you feel exhausted and want to withdraw or lie down

In her book The Empath’s Survival Guide, author Dr. Judith Orloff says there are 7 types of energy vampires:

1. The narcissist – everything is always only about them
2. The rageaholic – yelling, accusing, attacking, controlling
3. The victim – constantly complaining
4. The drama queen/king – non-stop dramas
5. Control freaks and critics – always telling you what you should do
6. Non-stop talker – verbal assault
7. Passive-aggressive people – smile while stabbing you in the back

Once you identify one of these personality types you can set an intention to protect yourself whenever you need to interact with them. Also, think about ways to restore your energy after you’ve been around them, and whenever possible, avoid them.

I’ll be discussing this more in-depth during my next Facebook Live episode with Lisa. CLICK HERE to join.

When you learn how to recognize and deal with these energy manipulators, you’ll be able to take care of yourself much more effectively and, in many cases, you’ll stop attracting them.

Try this affirmation:

I release the need to allow anyone to take or manipulate my energy in any way. I am safe.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

PS. If you are an empath, intuitive, or highly sensitive person, Judith's book is a must-read. It contains information that will help you to understand yourself, and know what to do to protect yourself and your energy. I've found it to be a very helpful guidebook.

What are you tolerating? The inspiration for this week’s Unstoppable Energy Tip comes from a quote I saw recently on Facebook:

“Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.”

I know from experience that this is true. If you tolerate poor treatment, then that’s what you’ll continue to get. You may not realize that’s what you’re doing, but here are just a few examples of how we teach people how to treat us:

• When people ask you your preference on something and you always say “I don’t mind,” people will learn to stop asking you.
• When you put everyone else before yourself, you’re saying that your needs are not important, so other people will put you last as well.
• When you help others but never ask for help for yourself, people will assume you don’t want or need help.
• If you frequently say yes, when you really want to say no, people will keep asking you to do things you don’t really want to do, and expecting you to do them.
• If you never take time for yourself, people will assume that you don’t need it.

We really do teach people how to treat us, by the things we do and say (or don’t do and say) every day.

Check in with yourself to see what you might be tolerating and think about how you can start teaching yourself (and others) to treat you the way you want to be treated.

Repeat this affirmation:

I release the need to tolerate anything that doesn’t feel good and I am now willing to make myself a priority and to treat myself with the love and respect I deserve.

Don’t settle for anything less than the best.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. If your level of tolerance is reaching breaking point and you feel powerless, exhausted and overwhelmed, enroll in the Emotional Relief Master Class where for less than $30, and in less than an hour, you will learn what to do so you never feel that way again. Click on the button below to find out more.

How to handle overwhelm… Someone shared with me this week that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the number of things she had to do and feelings of anxiety were beginning to creep in. She asked if this ever happened to me and if so, how I handled it. It does happen to me and what I find helps the most is to practice energy management. I thought I’d share what I do in case it’s helpful for you.

The first thing I do, which may sound counter-intuitive, is to stop. I don’t want to do anything while I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious – I don’t want to bring that energy to what I’m doing, so I stop.

I make sure I have a list of all the things that need to be done, this helps because then I don’t have to worry that I might forget something.

I don’t get back to work until my energy feels better, so I do anything that helps me get my energy under control – I might go for a walk, do some meditation or exercise, practice breathing or grounding techniques – anything that releases the anxiety, calms my mind and helps me feel better.

Once my energy is in a better place and I’m feeling calmer, then and only then will I look at my list. I ask myself, what is the one thing on this list that I really want to get done? Focusing only on one thing is manageable and doesn’t feel overwhelming. Once that item is done, I ask the same thing again – what is the one thing I want to get done?

If I look at my entire list and think that I have to get multiple things done today, then I’ll go back into feeling stressed and overwhelmed. But if I give myself permission to just do one thing, I feel much calmer.

The wonderful thing about doing it this way is that I always find that I get multiple things done on my list. I’m always surprised at the end of the day when I look back to see how much I’ve accomplished.

This is a way of being gentle with yourself, and of maximizing use of your time and energy. When I take this approach I find that I complete tasks much faster and more easily and I feel good while I’m doing them.

Managing your energy, rather than your time, and allowing yourself to do one thing at a time, rather than multi-tasking is extremely effective – and much more enjoyable.

It can be scary the first time you try it because your mind will tell you that you can’t possibly get everything done, but if you give it a try I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

The other thing that helps is to use the “time” affirmation:

“Time expands for me. I have plenty of time to do everything I want to do.”

Do you have any tips for handling overwhelm? I’d love to hear them.

Own who you are – The majority of the people I work with are highly sensitive, intuitive and/or empathic. I understand them because this is who I am as well. I’m also an introvert, who is learning how to bring out her inner extrovert when needed.

I was automatically drawn to HSPs and they seem to have been drawn to me – before I even knew there was such a term or such a thing. Until I discovered the concept of being Highly Sensitive I simply thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t like everyone else, and the same is true for most of my clients.

It’s difficult to be different when all you want to do is fit in and be like everyone else. But what I have learned is that if you want to succeed and enjoy life, you don’t want to fit in and be like everyone else. You want to know and accept who you are and BE that. No matter what others think or say. And the more you do that, the more accepted and respected you are.

Elaine Aron says in her book, The Highly Sensitive Person: “I’ve learned that in many cultures, sensitivity is highly esteemed. And while our own culture does not yet value sensitivity as much as it could – often making it harder, for example, for HSPs to find the right jobs and be treated respectfully in them – I am convinced that this will change, and that HSPs will exert increasing authority in our world, very comfortably.”

I agree with her and I think it is changing and will continue to change, but we have to help it change. It’s no good complaining that we don’t fit in and other people don’t understand us – we have to help them understand us because they have no frame of reference for what it’s like to be highly sensitive.

How do we do that? I think it begins with opening up the conversation. By making HSPness mainstream. It’s not about ‘us and them’ and it’s not about thinking we’re special or making ourselves stand out. It’s about learning how to integrate and just be ourselves.

Whether you are highly sensitive, intuitive, empathic – or none of those things the point is to know who you are and own it. If people don’t understand you, then help them understand you.

Since I am dedicated to opening up the conversation and helping everyone feel confident and embrace their uniqueness, I’d like to invite you to join the conversation. I’ve created 2 safe places where you can do just that. Where you can share your experiences, ask questions and receive any help you need, and be respected for who you are. I invite you to join me:

Facebook Live Broadcast: Success Strategies for Highly Sensitive People- every Friday at 9:30am Pacific join me and fellow HSP Lisa Powell for a discussion about what it means to be HSP. We share helpful tips, strategies and resources. Go to my Facebook Page to join and receive notifications of upcoming shows.

Private Facebook Group:  Highly Sensitive Professionals. Whether you have your own business or work for somebody else, connect with other HSP professionals to learn what works and be inspired.
Join Here

“I was once afraid of people saying ‘Who does she think she is?’ Now I have the courage to stand and say ‘This is who I am.’” – Oprah Winfrey

The Freedom of Forgiveness – even when you know that holding on to anger or pain from a person or situation is harmful to you and nobody else, it can still be difficult to let it go and truly forgive. People often have a hard time embracing forgiveness, even when they want to.

I came across this Prayer of Forgiveness on Instagram this week and liked it so much I wanted to share it with you.

I hope you enjoy it and find it useful.

A Prayer of Forgiveness:

“If I have harmed anyone in any way
Either knowingly or unknowingly
Through my own confusions
I ask their forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me in any way
Either knowingly or unknowingly
Through their own confusions
I forgive them.
And if there is a situation or person
I am not yet ready to forgive
I forgive myself for that.
For all the ways that I harm myself,
Negate, doubt, belittle myself,
Judge or be unkind to myself
Through my own confusions
I forgive myself.”