When you undervalue yourself… Like many people, I undervalued myself for most of my life. It’s something I’ve worked on a lot and have been shocked to find not only how deeply this went, but also how it showed up for me every day in my life.

I think it’s something that affects a great many people. Even some of the people who appear to be the most confident, assertive, and maybe even aggressive, often act this way to cover up their real feelings of insecurity and low self-worth.

There are many ways that this can show up – here are few:

• Frequently doubting yourself
  
• Other people have the ability to upset you or diminish you in some way
• Experiencing feelings of guilt or shame and generally not good enough
• Holding yourself back because you’re afraid you’ll fail
• Finding yourself in a career you don’t enjoy
• Struggling financially
• Feeling anxious, shy or intimidated’
• Looking for people or situations to blame
• Feeling that life is unfair
• Over-achieving
• Taking on other people’s dramas or pain
• Needing people to like you
• Perfectionism

As you can see, there’s quite a list – and I could add more!

Comparing yourself to others is, perhaps one of the most common signs of under-valuing, and yet it’s probably something we all do from time to time.

If you are highly sensitive then this is most certainly something that you’ll want to address.

Undervaluing yourself and what you do causes others to undervalue you too. When you begin to really value yourself you will notice a shift in your relationships and experiences, and very importantly in how you feel. As with everything, the first step to change is awareness, the second is a willingness to change.

Action Step: Pay attention throughout the day, and the week, to any signs and signals of undervaluing – really any time you don’t feel good about yourself, or when you feel a need to prove yourself. Begin to build an awareness of how this shows up for you. Remember, awareness is the first step towards change.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I release the need or desire to undervalue myself in any way and I forgive myself for all the times I have felt undervalued in the past.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S.
I believe this is such an important issue to address that affects many people, so I'm launching a program for those who are ready to stop undervaluing themselves. CLICK HERE to request information.

Challenges and opportunities…What do you do when things are not going the way you want? When you feel stuck because no matter what you do and how hard you try either nothing changes, or things seem to get even worse?

It’s tempting in this situation to think there must be something you’re missing. Some piece of knowledge you don’t have yet. Something you need to do that you haven’t done. If you just knew what it was then you’d do it and everything would be alright.

You may look around you and it appears that others don’t have the same challenges you have. Everything seems to be working out for them, so why doesn’t it work for you? The only conclusion you can come to is that there must be something wrong with you.

I have been in this situation. I have felt this way, and so have many of the people I’ve worked with. The answer is not what I expected it to be and it’s something that many people resist. The answer is not to do more or to learn more. The answer is not to ‘fix’ yourself because there’s something wrong with you. Here’s what I’ve found - when something in your outer circumstances (your life situation) no longer works and things seem to be falling apart, you are being invited to go inwards. This means it’s an opportunity to work through any old beliefs, conditioning and repeating patterns that don’t serve you.

We all have fears, beliefs, and conditioning that affect what we think, feel and do. Whether it’s feeling not good enough, fear of failing, of being unlovable, or whatever it is, there comes a time when you cannot continue to ignore them.

This idea is terrifying for many people. They would rather do anything else than this, and if that’s how you feel, I understand, however you’re missing a wonderful opportunity. When I realized these things were coming up so that I could transform them, let them go and move on it felt like such a relief. My approach now is that if there is something holding me back in any way, and I can do something about it and let it go, then that’s what I want to do. Now I don’t wait for these things to come up, I’m proactive about it and have made connecting with my inner self (with Being) my priority.

People often think “I can’t spend time connecting with my inner-self, I’ve got things I need to do and accomplish.” The irony is that if you don’t do the inner work, you can struggle to accomplish what you want, and if you do make it your priority you actually end up accomplishing much more and seeing better results in your life. Letting these things go and re-connecting with your TRUE self feels REALLY good.

When you take the approach of seeing any challenge as an opportunity to learn something about yourself and release something that’s not serving you then you will no longer be sidelined by problems. You will move through them and when you look back you’ll be amazed that you experienced a struggle at all.

This is not intended to minimize any major challenge you may be experiencing. It’s about those ongoing and repeated challenges, the ones that don’t seem to get any better or even get worse.

Action Step: Think of a particular challenge you’re experiencing and ask yourself “What is it that I need to learn about myself from this situation so I can move on?” Be open to the answer coming in different ways. Writing about it can help a lot. See if you can identify any fears, beliefs, expectations, or old patterns that are bubbling to the surface and be willing to let them go. Make inner connection your highest priority and you’ll be removing any of the obstacles that have left you feeling stuck.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I recognize this challenge is an opportunity for me to learn and grow and deepen my connection with my true self. I am open to receiving all the guidance I need so I can release and move on.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. Identifying what is holding you back and what you need to release can be difficult to do by yourself. If you need help identifying what exactly it is you need to let go of, contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute clarity session where together we'll get to the heart of what it is.

Enjoying Solitude… I saw a quote recently that is the inspiration for this week’s tip. The quote is:

“When you follow the crowd you lose yourself, but when you follow your soul you will lose the crowd. Eventually your soul tribe will appear, but do not fear the process of solitude.”

I think it follows on nicely from last week’s tip on ‘starting over.’ It’s so easy to lose yourself when you follow the crowd but I think we often do follow the crowd because we’re afraid of being on our own.

When you do begin to focus on what’s right for you (perhaps by starting over) you do lose the crowd and that can be scary for many people. It does take time but eventually the right people do begin to appear in your life, but you do have to be comfortable with being on your own first I think.

How do you feel about solitude? Often people feel really uncomfortable with it, or when they are alone they feel they have to keep busy and feel guilty if they are not doing something. I have come to enjoy it and look forward to it and no longer feel I have to be busy. I think becoming comfortable with solitude is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It’s a real gift and it really helps you connect with yourself and what’s right for you.

If you live alone or you do spend a lot of time by yourself, are you comfortable with that or do you resent it? Of course it is possible to go too far the other way (particularly for introverts) so that you resist being around people and become isolated. That’s not good either. I think it’s all about how connected you are with yourself and how comfortable you are with who you are.

Action Step: If you are not doing so already, set aside some time (perhaps each week) to be by yourself. Give yourself permission to do nothing, even if it’s just for 10 or 20 minutes. Notice how you feel. If it makes you feel anxious or guilty, explore why that might be.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you:

Spending time alone is a gift I give to myself. I am comfortable being alone with my thoughts.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Starting over… This week I’ve heard from a few people who are completely starting over. They have let go of everything and moved to a completely new place – one has even moved to a new country.

For some people the thought of starting over is terrifying. I’ve done it several times – living in 5 different countries and 3 different States within the U.S., and although it can create anxiety, it can also be a wonderful experience, if you approach it the right way.

There are many benefits to starting over – it’s just like hitting the reset button on your life. You have an opportunity to do things differently if you want. You meet new people and are able to let go of anything you didn’t like about your old life. You are able to see more clearly the things, situations, people and experiences you were holding onto that perhaps were not serving you.

You don’t have to move though to be able to start over.  You can do it any time you want.

Imagine that you are starting over – letting go of everything, moving somewhere new and far away. Now think about what you would want to do differently, where you would want to live, what kind of environment you’d like to be in. What kind of people you’d like to meet. What you’d like to do that you are not doing now.

Considering this can help to bring new clarity and inspire creative ideas and different ways of thinking. It can open you up to new possibilities. Once you know what you’d like to be different, begin to consider how you could bring about that change NOW, without having to move away.

Of course, if you love everything about your life just as it is, then you won’t want to change a thing – it’s always good to be aware of that too!

Action Step: Consider that in 6 months’ time you will be moving somewhere completely new. Take a notebook or journal and write about:

• Where you would like to go
• Where you would like to live
• What you’d like to be doing
• What you would want to take with you
• What you would leave behind
• How you’d like things to be different
• Why making these changes in your life would feel better

Once you have a clear picture you can take some action. Let go of those things you would leave behind, they are not important to you. Begin to let go of situations you’re currently in that don’t serve you. Ask yourself how you might bring about the other changes you identified you would like. Put energy into what life could look like for you if you were starting over.

If you find the idea of starting over terrifying, examine why that is. What are you really afraid of?

This exercise can bring some wonderful awareness to you. It’s up to you then what you do with that new awareness.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

Life supports me always and in all ways. I now choose to live my life in a way that brings me the greatest joy and fulfillment. I deserve the best.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda
P.S. Starting over is a great opportunity to re-write all or part of your story. Join me and my co-host Lisa Powell as we discuss how to find the strength to re-write your story on an episode of our FB Live Show The Liberated HSP. Click on the button below to go to the video.

When to withdraw energy… Have you ever had one of those days when it seems as though nothing is going right? People seem to be irritated and unreasonable around you for no reason that you can figure out. The more you try to understand, explain or justify yourself the worse it gets?

I had one of those days recently. It started when I showed up for an appointment only to be told they had no record of it – even though I had called the day before to confirm.

I did what I needed to do to sort things (without getting upset) out and rescheduled for another date.

Throughout the day I was aware that some of the interactions I was having with people were a little off. Later in the day I was with a group of people and was bewildered by the fact that some of them just seemed to want to disagree or argue with anything I said or did. I couldn’t understand why and when I voiced this out loud one of the people I was with said “Well you’re a coach aren’t you? You should be able to handle it.” I confess that part of me wanted to take offense at his comment, but then I realized he was right.

There was only one thing I could do in a situation like this. I couldn’t change anyone else’s behavior and I couldn’t understand what was going on, but what I could do was manage my own energy. So I stopped talking. I didn’t do it in an angry or sulky way. I just withdrew my energy. I still participated in what was going on in the most positive way I could, but I kept my energy to myself.

Once I’d done that things calmed down and it ultimately turned out to be an enjoyable and positive evening.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply to withdraw your energy. Stop talking or trying to explain or get people to see your side of things. Stop thinking about it and trying to figure out what’s going on or why people are behaving the way they are. Just focus on yourself and doing whatever you need to do to feel good.

When you withdraw your energy you stop feeding the situation. Where there’s no fuel, it simply dies down or people have to go somewhere else to find the stimulation they need for whatever is going on with them.

Action Step: Is there a situation you’re experiencing – perhaps an ongoing argument with someone, or any situation that won’t seem to resolve no matter how hard you try? Consider withdrawing your energy. Stop trying to fix it or understand it, and just withdraw. You can still take any action that you need to take – you’re not giving up, but you stop trying to get people to see your perspective. See what changes as a result.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I take care of my energy in all situations and it’s okay to withdraw my energy from situations I don’t understand or that don’t feel good.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Understanding differences… Everybody wants to be understood, and I think if we do want to be understood we have to make the effort to also understand others who are different from us.

Take, for example, introverts and extroverts. Introverts are often overlooked by extroverts because they are quiet. The assumption is that they don’t have anything to offer. After all, if they’re not saying anything or participating in a conversation, this could be the logical conclusion.

There’s a quote by Stephen Hawking: “Quiet people have the loudest minds,” that I think sums up what’s going on for introverts. We may be quiet, but there is a LOT going on in our minds. We tend to think a lot, and think deeply. We listen, we process information. It’s rare that an introvert will simply say what’s on their mind, because there’s just so much going on in their mind.

Introverts find it difficult to interrupt, so if there’s a lot of talking going on, with no natural gap and they are not invited to speak, they may not say anything, or they may be drowned out if they do try to speak. I’ve had all of these experiences and it’s sometimes exhausting to try to get a point across with all the other conversation going on.

There can also be a sense, if you’re with a group of people and not saying anything that you may be judging the others in the group, or that you may somehow feel you’re better than them. When I discovered this it was a shock to me because I’m often quiet in groups, which doesn’t mean I’m not participating. I’m usually listening and absorbing what’s going on – the last thing I’m doing is judging others.

But introverts aren’t the only ones who can be misunderstood. I think often introverts see extroverts as being loud, with an inability to listen. They can also be thought of as being needy (needing frequent attention and validation). In their enthusiasm to get their point across their behavior may even be perceived as inconsiderate at best or bullying at worst.

Yet I know many extroverts who are very smart, caring and thoughtful people. I see their ability to communicate with others as a real gift. I admire anyone who can walk up to someone they don’t know and engage in conversation. They tend to be enthusiastic, motivated and usually have high energy. But they also need their downtime and alone time.

I think too the assumption that extroverts aren’t good listeners is not true. If they know you have something to say they will listen, but if you are quiet they will assume you don’t have anything to say.

This is just one example of how differences can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. All of us have something to offer, and wouldn’t it be helpful if we took a little more time to understand each other and embrace the gifts of each trait? And sometimes it’s up to us to do something if we’re feeling misunderstood, rather than simply complaining about it.

Introverts – don’t dismiss extroverts as loud and uncaring, and extroverts – don’t dismiss introverts as having nothing to offer.

Action Step: Think about a situation where you may be feeling misunderstood. What could you do to help change someone’s perception of you? If there’s someone you know who is very different from you and you find it hard to understand their behavior, what could you do in an effort to better understand them?

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I accept myself as I am, I accept others as they are and treat everyone with respect.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

P.S. Introverts - watch this short video with 3 strategies that will help you step up and be heard.

Knowing yourself… This quote by Aristotle is one of my favorites: “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

You might think you know yourself very well, until a situation arises that pushes you out of your comfort zone, and you may find yourself responding in ways that you wouldn’t normally.

As many of you know, I love to play tennis, and it’s interesting to observe how people can transform on the tennis court – particularly when they’re not winning or when they’re not playing as well as they want. You’d probably be surprised to see some of the behavior that occurs. People feel a little pressure and any insecurities they feel come out – things they normally keep very well hidden, even from themselves.

I think the more you know yourself energetically and emotionally, the stronger you become and the less threatened you feel by stressful situations or by other people’s behavior. Of course there are several personality tests that can help you understand yourself better, but it’s also helpful to know things like:

• What energizes you, and feels good?
  
• What drains your energy and doesn’t feel good?
• What inspires you?
• What’s most important to you (your values)?
  
• What’s your ‘zone of genius’?
• What is most meaningful to you?
• What pushes your buttons and how do you handle it?

Every stressful situation can tell you something about yourself, and the more you learn, the stronger you feel and the less threatened you are by things you can’t control.

Action Step: Think about the questions above and see what you can learn about yourself from your answers.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

The more I know about myself the stronger and more energized I feel.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Don’t settle… It’s so easy sometimes to be pulled into someone else’s agenda, their way of doing things. And maybe that’s working for you. But when you go along with things that don’t feel right or good to you – then you are settling.

I realized this recently about a particular situation I’ve been experiencing for a while, and I realized that I’d allowed myself to continue with this situation that didn’t feel good at all, because I thought I didn’t really have much choice.

It may seem as though there are no other choices, but if you really think about it I’m sure there are. A different choice may take a bit more effort, but if it means that you’re having a better experience, with people who appreciate you for who you are, rather than who they want you to be, then isn’t it worth it?

When you settle for less than you want or deserve, you’re showing a lack of trust and respect for yourself. That’s the realization I had and I decided I would no longer allow that to happen. If you trust and respect yourself enough, then you won’t settle for anything that doesn’t feel good or for people who don’t treat you well.

Action Step: Think of any situation you’re experiencing that doesn’t feel good.  Recognize that you deserve to feel good and ask yourself: ‘If I trusted and respected myself enough, what would I do differently?” Seek out the people who will support you, and respect you – but first you must trust and respect yourself.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I deserve the best of everything and am no longer willing to settle for anything less. I respect myself and trust myself to find the right way for me.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda

Master your inner voice… We all have that inner voice – the voice in your head that seems to have a running commentary. Is yours supportive or is it critical?

If you’re like most people, it probably tends to be more critical and judgmental, perhaps even harsh – letting you know that you’re not good enough in some way. You can learn to take control of it though, and turn your inner critic into your inner coach. Here are some thoughts on how to do that:

1. Pay Attention
   Is your self-talk supportive or critical? Notice what ‘the voice’ in your head is saying most of the time. It’s helpful to make a note of any specifics. If it’s critical, you’ll notice things like “that was stupid, why did you do that, why do you always do the wrong thing, what’s wrong with you?” If it’s supportive your inner voice might be saying things like “that didn’t work out as I intended, what can I do differently next time? What do I need to know to help me achieve this?”
   
   
2. Identify Any Fears
   If you find that your inner voice is constantly critical or trying to talk you out of something or telling you that you will fail, challenge it by asking yourself what you are really afraid of. It usually comes down to a core belief that you’re not good enough in some way. Or you may be suffering from imposter syndrome – where you are unable to recognize your accomplishments and live in fear of being exposed as a fraud.
   
   
3. Recognize Unrealistic Expectations
   People who are particularly hard on themselves and who have a highly critical inner voice often have unrealistic expectations that they can never possibly meet, meaning that they set themselves up for failure and therefore criticism. Are your expectations for yourself realistic? Would you expect the same of someone else? If you are really honest with yourself, you may find that you would benefit from adjusting your expectations.
   
   
4. Put More Attention on What is Working
   It’s human nature to think more about what isn’t working and what’s going wrong than on what is working and what’s going well. If you find that your voice is highly critical and unsupportive, try gradually making a shift to thinking a little more about what is working than what isn’t. You’ll start to find that there’s a lot more to feel good about than you thought.
   
   
5. Be Gentle With Yourself
   You are your own worst critic. We all are. Notice when you’re being hard on yourself and make a commitment to treating yourself in a more supportive and constructive way.
   

Action Step: Make a commitment to master your inner voice so that it will support you. Pay attention to your self-talk and be your own cheerleader and coach. You deserve it.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I release the need to criticize or judge myself in any way. I allow my inner voice to support me at all times.

Be Unstoppable

Linda

Releasing negative energy… Have you ever noticed that after you’ve been around a certain person or spoken to them your energy has taken a nosedive? Perhaps you even feel sad or angry, when before you were feeling just fine.

If you are highly sensitive and/or an empath this probably happens a lot. It means that you have absorbed the energy of the other person – usually their emotional pain. Some people (known as energy vampires) make a habit of energetically passing on their pain to others. Then they feel better and you feel worse, because you’ve (unknowingly) taken it on for them. Others may simply take on your good energy to help them feel better, leaving you feeling depleted.

When you’re not aware of it, this can become a real problem. It can accumulate, and you may find yourself taking on the energy of several different people, until you no longer know what is yours and what isn’t. It all feels like yours, yet it seems that no matter what you do nothing helps you feel better. It can become all-consuming until you lose sight of your real self under the weight of other people’s energy and emotions.

This used to happen to me a lot until I learned that this could happen and what to do to release this energy when it does. Here are some strategies for releasing this energy:

1. Acknowledge and release – this sounds too easy and it is. It’s very effective though. The first step is to recognize that you may have taken on someone else’s energy (acknowledge) and then state that you choose to release it and send it back to where it came from (release). You don’t have to know where you picked it up from. Just state that you want to release any energy that is not yours, and that is not serving you.
   
   
2. Visualize – if you’re a visual person it can help to visualize yourself disconnecting (unplugging) from this energy, or visualize it leaving your body – whatever visualization works best for you. It can be helpful to combine this with an affirmation or statement that you are choosing to release it and send it back.
   
   
3. Replace – when you let go of something it’s helpful to replace what you’re releasing with something more positive and helpful. I like to state that as I’m releasing this energy I am replacing it with love. You can visualize yourself disconnecting or unplugging from this energy and plugging into something more positive, such as love, success, or happiness.
   
   
4. Use water – take a shower and imagine the water washing away any energy that is not yours. Or take a bath with Epsom Salts and imagine the same thing.
   
   
5. Go outside – take a walk outside, particularly in a forest or near water and release the energy to the positive forces of nature. Imagine yourself feeling more grounded with each step that you take.
   
   
6. Write – writing can be very cathartic. Write out exactly how you feel, state that you want to release it and send it back and affirm that you will no longer allow yourself to take on other people’s energy.
   
   
7. Intention – if this is something that happens frequently, particularly with people you have to interact with on a regular basis, set an intention before you have an interaction with them that you will not allow your energy to be manipulated or taken and that you will not take on their energy or emotions in any way.

If you’re a ‘helper’ type personality you may find this particularly difficult. As helpers we often believe that we can help someone else by taking on their pain. This doesn’t help them and it certainly doesn’t help you. In fact, you help them more by not taking it on.

Action Step: Start to become aware of whenever you’re taking on other people’s energy. Practice these strategies and take your power back. Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by other people’s energy.

Let this Unstoppable Affirmation support you on your journey:

I release any energy that isn’t mine or that doesn’t support me. I return it to where it came from and replace it with love.

Be Unstoppable!

Linda